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By crikey, I always put off yoga and stretching but I don't half feel looser (as the actress said to the Bishop for it
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Incredible scenes over at
@AskHalifaxBank today, where I have tried to give them some of my money and they're turning me away. What a bizarre way to do business, you guys#nothanksThanks. Twitter will use this info to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
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David, Eh? Retweeted
Pro-tip: Don't hold your hands behind your back when you're taking a photo with a group of coppers
pic.twitter.com/uo1Vk1W88y
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There is even a separate kitchen area, 40 yards away down a corridor, where such niffy foodstuffs can be enjoyed. Nil excuse for parading the whole lot past an entire workforce for at-desk consumption
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This has to be up there with my most tweeted about topics of all time, but someone has just entered the office with a plate full of reheated smoked haddock rissotto. COULDN'T BE MORE ANTI-SOCIAL IF YOU TRIED.
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Accidentally chose Americano on the work coffee machine this lunchtime and only realise too late that there was no milk left. Had about 3 sips of it and I can feel the old ticker racing away. Might leave the rest
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David, Eh? Retweeted
One of the best pieces of writing I came across in 2018: A description of the meteor that killed the dinosaurs.pic.twitter.com/i5QDawDhBV
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It's 10.10am on my first day back at work and I have already written the date as 2018 about 14 times.
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As a home fan, there's no worse sound in football than that momentary pause and lag before the away fans cheer a goal. As the away team, there's nothing sweeter
#stockportcounty@StockportCountyhttps://twitter.com/ST_1982/status/1080169109671895040 …Thanks. Twitter will use this info to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
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I should add that this was 'during my run' - I realise that it reads as though the donkey was some sort of equine fugitive. Which he wasn't. That I know of. He oughtn't be stopping and posing for photos if he is, mind. Flagrant giveaway of his location
#amateurhttps://twitter.com/Daffooo/status/1079404269441306626 …
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Here's a pic of me being eyeballed by a donkey I met on the run by way of consolation
#whythelongfacepic.twitter.com/ZCvUm2nyQZ
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Buzzing to have nipped over the line and recorded 1,000km for the calendar year today...only for
@suunto to screw me right over and fail to sync with@Strava#heartbreaker#ifitaintonStravaitdidnthappenShow this threadThanks. Twitter will use this info to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
*THIS*
...is absolutely bananas. I've spent an unreasonable amount of time zooming in on otherwise uninspiring parts of Shanghai. Incredible technology tekkers. And kind of voyeuristic.
http://sh-meet.bigpixel.cn/?from=groupmessage&isappinstalled=0 …Thanks. Twitter will use this info to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
I bloody love the English language


#thechaoshttps://twitter.com/ThePoke/status/1079106027281399808 …
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How's about that for some lower league quality?
#onasixpence#feathertouch@StockportCountyhttps://twitter.com/StockportCounty/status/1078410209532493827 …
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My 7km run earlier today was genuinely entirely fuelled by the need to offset chocolate consumption. At least I'm aware of my problem.
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The chocolates were a sort of 'lunch pudding', not a strange sandwich addition, I should add.
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