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  1. 18 hours ago

    By crikey, I always put off yoga and stretching but I don't half feel looser (as the actress said to the Bishop for it

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  2. Jan 4

    Incredible scenes over at today, where I have tried to give them some of my money and they're turning me away. What a bizarre way to do business, you guys

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  3. Retweeted
    20 Dec 2018
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  4. Retweeted
    20 Dec 2018

    Pro-tip: Don't hold your hands behind your back when you're taking a photo with a group of coppers 😏

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  5. Jan 3

    There is even a separate kitchen area, 40 yards away down a corridor, where such niffy foodstuffs can be enjoyed. Nil excuse for parading the whole lot past an entire workforce for at-desk consumption

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  6. Jan 3

    This has to be up there with my most tweeted about topics of all time, but someone has just entered the office with a plate full of reheated smoked haddock rissotto. COULDN'T BE MORE ANTI-SOCIAL IF YOU TRIED.

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  7. Jan 3

    Accidentally chose Americano on the work coffee machine this lunchtime and only realise too late that there was no milk left. Had about 3 sips of it and I can feel the old ticker racing away. Might leave the rest

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  8. Retweeted

    One of the best pieces of writing I came across in 2018: A description of the meteor that killed the dinosaurs.

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  9. Jan 2

    It's 10.10am on my first day back at work and I have already written the date as 2018 about 14 times.

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  10. Jan 1

    As a home fan, there's no worse sound in football than that momentary pause and lag before the away fans cheer a goal. As the away team, there's nothing sweeter

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  11. Jan 1
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  12. Retweeted
    6 Nov 2018

    my history professor is tired of our shit

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  13. 30 Dec 2018

    I should add that this was 'during my run' - I realise that it reads as though the donkey was some sort of equine fugitive. Which he wasn't. That I know of. He oughtn't be stopping and posing for photos if he is, mind. Flagrant giveaway of his location

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  14. 30 Dec 2018

    Here's a pic of me being eyeballed by a donkey I met on the run by way of consolation

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  15. 30 Dec 2018

    Buzzing to have nipped over the line and recorded 1,000km for the calendar year today...only for to screw me right over and fail to sync with

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  16. 29 Dec 2018

    *THIS* 👇 ...is absolutely bananas. I've spent an unreasonable amount of time zooming in on otherwise uninspiring parts of Shanghai. Incredible technology tekkers. And kind of voyeuristic.

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  17. 29 Dec 2018
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  18. 27 Dec 2018
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  19. 27 Dec 2018

    My 7km run earlier today was genuinely entirely fuelled by the need to offset chocolate consumption. At least I'm aware of my problem.

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  20. 27 Dec 2018

    The chocolates were a sort of 'lunch pudding', not a strange sandwich addition, I should add.

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