One of the things I'm preoccupied with is the difficulty inherent in providing empathetic spaces for "incel" men and boys, who habitually toxify any place where they're given space to speak.
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The typical vocal "incel", in my experience, is a guy who typically doesn't have strong friendships, and isn't generally socially accepted. And he believes (wrongly) that a sexual relationship is the solution to both his insecurities and his social isolation.
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He blames women for 'gatekeeping' the sexual relationships he 'needs' to feel like a successful man. Disabusing him of these ideas is made harder by the fact that he demands sympathy from others yet extends none to the women who have "wronged" him
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Engaging with these men/boys is the responsibility of male feminists, because while we will be ANNOYED by "incels", we will escape the most toxic and dangerous parts of their tantrums by virtue of our gender.
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But it's often like banging your head against a wall of motivated reasoning and bitterness. It's hard to extend sympathy to someone who's so twisted up in their own hatred and self-loathing. I don't know how helpful it is to engage with people like that.
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I think the ultimate answer is for men to have more emotionally intimate relationships, with each other and with women, so we have people besides our romantic partners to turn to. Otherwise perpetually single men will have NOBODY, and that's dangerous.
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"Incel" spaces provide a poor facsimile for real friendships - you get sympathy and acceptance. But only if you hate who they hate, which includes yourself. That's not friendship, that's a cult.
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But I think back to who I would have listened to when I was in my early 20s and bitter about being foreveralone. It probably wouldn't have been a guy like me. Or maybe it would have. I honestly don't know.
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End of conversation
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