Fake Gerrie Nel

Now I am not in the public eye I must find a new way to get people's attention. I might tweet my phone number. Or would that look desperate?

I might reconsider the Public Protector nomination.

I enjoyed Calvin and Thomas Molletts' book. I haven't laughed so much in years.

That was money well spent.

I can't sleep. I think there is a tokelosh under my bed.

The trainee must stop claiming to be me in his bio. And I must remember to send the "surplus to requirements" memo.

I will certainly be adding Judge Eric Leach to my Christmas card list.

Where's the trainee with my coffee? I'm working hard on my new book: 101 Ways To Delay Parole.

Q: What do you get if you add one donation to one women's group and mix in a racist Justice Minister? A: One happy Nel.

That's ruined my Sunday.https://twitter.com/city_press/status/630367177250574336 …

How many firepools can you build for R17m? #askingforafriend

Rude.https://twitter.com/pikkiegreeff/status/603950055750553600 …

I need to update my security after last month's bomb threat. But I can't decide between the musical fountain and the koi carp pond.

If you accuse me of bugging your office I will find out because I've bugged your office.

In case you were wondering, I won't be prosecuting Craven Coetzee for attempted murder. Her surname doesn't start with the letter "P".

I think I was misheard when I said there was a "sex bomb" in the house.

I am rubber and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

Busy day trying to convince the other driver to change his surname to "Pistorius".

It saddens me that I never win the office Hide and Seek competition. Ms Jiba is so good at it. No one has seen her for 48 hours!