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It's now been one year since the release of my book, How to Become a Federal Criminal: An Illustrated Handbook for the Aspiring Offender. So I wanted to take a minute to thank you all for some of the highlights over this past year.https://www.amazon.com/How-Become-Federal-Criminal-Illustrated/dp/1982112514/ …
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The House voted to decriminalize one thing today. So if the bill becomes law, I’ll be taking a day off.
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46 USC §70036(b) & 33 CFR §110.155(l)(12) make it a federal crime for a boat that's in the Port of New York and being told to move not to get moving promptly or signal for a tug.
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21 USC §352(f), §333 & 21 CFR §884.5370(b)(4)(i)(B) make it a federal crime to distribute pregnancy prevention software without warning people that they need to use another form of contraception, or not have sex, when the app says so.
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21 USC §§331, 333 & 21 CFR §164.150(d) make it a federal crime to sell peanut butter made from unblanched peanuts, including the skins and germ, without prominently and conspicuously disclosing that fact on the label.
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18 USC §201(b)(1)(A) makes it a federal crime to corruptly give something of value to a public official, directly or indirectly, in order to influence an official act.
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18 USC §2276 makes it a federal crime to maliciously cut a boat's buoy rope on the high seas.
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18 USC §490 makes it a federal crime to sell a fake penny or nickel.
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49 USC §5124(a) & 46 CFR §148.265(b) make it a federal crime to transport a bulk load of overly fatty fish scrap on a cargo ship.
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Call me when the Lacey Act is trending.
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18 USC §1865 & 36 CFR §13.916(a) make it a federal crime to roller skate the Triple Lakes Trail in Alaska.pic.twitter.com/FLm77S9fBX
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Here's to hoping that next year we can all get together for a big dinner of turkey hunted with explosives, six-fruit jelly, grated cream cheese, and ketchup that flows more than 14cm in 30 seconds at 20°C when measured with a Bostwick Consistometer.
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21 USC §461 & 9 CFR §381.167 make it a federal crime to sell "sliced turkey with gravy" unless it's at least 35% turkey.
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I didn’t get ratioed. Thanksgiving got ratioed.
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You can make one Thanksgiving dish a federal crime. What is it?
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21 USC §§610, 676 & 9 CFR §319.144 make it a federal crime to sell "Whole Hog Sausage" if it's more than 50% fat.
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The Fifth Amendment means don’t reply to my tweets.
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43 USC §1733 & 43 CFR §6302.20(f) makes it a federal crime to build, install, or erect a structure or installation in a wilderness area administered by the Bureau of Land Management.https://twitter.com/TIME/status/1331406398408810497 …
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18 USC §842(j), §844(b) & 27 CFR §555.213(a) make it a federal crime to keep more than 300,000 pounds of explosives in a single storage magazine unless the ATF director says it's okay.
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27 USC §§205, 207 & 27 CFR §5.22(b)(1)(iii) make it a federal crime to sell “straight whisky” if it's a mix of straight whiskies that weren't all made in the same state.
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