A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

In 1982, the DOJ attempted to count the total number of federal crimes. The WSJ said 'Since then, no one has tried anything nearly as extensive.' Until...

crimeaday@gmail.com
Joined July 2014

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    3 Jun 2019

    (7/7): How to Become a Federal Criminal () is the product of lots of this work that doesn’t fit into a tweet. I hope it will make you laugh and learn, and have great conversations. Or at least look good in your bathroom or whatever. But truly: thank you.

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  2. 11 hours ago

    I knew it.

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  3. 12 hours ago

    21 USC §§601(n)(7), 610, 676 & 9 CFR §319.300 make it a federal crime to sell chili con carne if more than 25% of the meat is head meat, cheek meat, and/or heart meat.

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  4. Feb 1

    By contrast, this is the version that camper salesmen would have suggested.

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  5. Feb 1

    15 USC §1233, §1232(g) & 49 CFR §575.103(e)(1)(ii)(F) make it a federal crime for a slide-in camper maker to sell a camper without this illustration in the manual.

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  6. Jan 31

    21 USC §§331, 333, 343, 21 CFR §139.150(d) & §139.160(d) make it a federal crime to sell vegetable egg spaghetti that's less than .06" in diameter.

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  7. Jan 31

    Let me know if the perfect attendance pencil gets transported in foreign or interstate commerce.

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  8. Jan 30

    42 USC §§264, 271 & 42 CFR §71.33(c)(1) make it a federal crime for a person coming to the United States, who is considered to pose an exceptionally serious risk of transmitting a communicable disease, to not submit to medical surveillance and monitoring.

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  9. Jan 30
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  10. Jan 29

    33 USC §3 & 33 CFR §334.210(b)(2) make it a federal crime to enter the Navy's guided missile test range in the Chesapeake Bay while missiles are being fired, unless you get permission.

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  11. Jan 29

    True story: the most controversial thing about my book’s manuscript was whether Gouda or Swiss is the funnier cheese.

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  12. Jan 28

    15 USC §§2614, 2615(b)(1), 40 CFR §§721.11233(b)(1) & 721.125(a) make it a federal crime to make cashew nut shell liquid without keeping records of how much cashew nut shell liquid you've made.

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  13. Jan 27

    And, ladies and gentlemen, if "sorta" doesn't mean anything anymore, well then what are we even fighting for? Thank you. God bless you. God bless America. Goodnight.

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  14. Jan 27
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  15. Jan 27

    Here at , we take the position that the only impeachable offenses are 1) entertaining a pirate; 2) misusing Woodsy Owl's likeness; and 3) selling athlete's foot cream without telling people to pay special attention to the areas between their toes. Not a popular view.

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  16. Jan 27

    I did not submit this tweet for pre-publication review.

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  17. Jan 27

    21 USC §§331, 333, 379e & 21 CFR §73.2396(c)(2) make it a federal crime to sell lead acetate mustache dye.

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  18. Jan 26

    7 USC §§8303, 8313 & 9 CFR §93.103(a)(1) make it a federal crime to import a theatrical bird without a permit.

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  19. Jan 25

    42 USC §271(a) & 42 CFR §71.21(b) make it a federal crime for the commander of an aircraft destined for the United States not to report an ill person on board.

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  20. Jan 24

    18 USC §1017, 14 CFR §§1221.102, 1221.115(a) & 1221.109(b) make it a federal crime to fraudulently use the NASA seal without permission.

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  21. Jan 23

    This thing seems fishy.

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