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(7/7): How to Become a Federal Criminal (https://amzn.to/2YRlWkw ) is the product of lots of this work that doesn’t fit into a tweet. I hope it will make you laugh and learn, and have great conversations. Or at least look good in your bathroom or whatever. But truly: thank you.
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21 USC §§601(n)(7), 610, 676 & 9 CFR §319.300 make it a federal crime to sell chili con carne if more than 25% of the meat is head meat, cheek meat, and/or heart meat.
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By contrast, this is the version that camper salesmen would have suggested.pic.twitter.com/DPoyctY6xe
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15 USC §1233, §1232(g) & 49 CFR §575.103(e)(1)(ii)(F) make it a federal crime for a slide-in camper maker to sell a camper without this illustration in the manual.pic.twitter.com/Ya8lz0769F
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21 USC §§331, 333, 343, 21 CFR §139.150(d) & §139.160(d) make it a federal crime to sell vegetable egg spaghetti that's less than .06" in diameter.
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Let me know if the perfect attendance pencil gets transported in foreign or interstate commerce.
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42 USC §§264, 271 & 42 CFR §71.33(c)(1) make it a federal crime for a person coming to the United States, who is considered to pose an exceptionally serious risk of transmitting a communicable disease, to not submit to medical surveillance and monitoring.
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33 USC §3 & 33 CFR §334.210(b)(2) make it a federal crime to enter the Navy's guided missile test range in the Chesapeake Bay while missiles are being fired, unless you get permission.
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True story: the most controversial thing about my book’s manuscript was whether Gouda or Swiss is the funnier cheese.
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15 USC §§2614, 2615(b)(1), 40 CFR §§721.11233(b)(1) & 721.125(a) make it a federal crime to make cashew nut shell liquid without keeping records of how much cashew nut shell liquid you've made.
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And, ladies and gentlemen, if "sorta" doesn't mean anything anymore, well then what are we even fighting for? Thank you. God bless you. God bless America. Goodnight.
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But we can back it up, sorta:https://twitter.com/CrimeADay/status/1174010398376415232 …
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Here at
@CrimeADay, we take the position that the only impeachable offenses are 1) entertaining a pirate; 2) misusing Woodsy Owl's likeness; and 3) selling athlete's foot cream without telling people to pay special attention to the areas between their toes. Not a popular view.Show this threadThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
I did not submit this tweet for pre-publication review.
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21 USC §§331, 333, 379e & 21 CFR §73.2396(c)(2) make it a federal crime to sell lead acetate mustache dye.
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7 USC §§8303, 8313 & 9 CFR §93.103(a)(1) make it a federal crime to import a theatrical bird without a permit.
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42 USC §271(a) & 42 CFR §71.21(b) make it a federal crime for the commander of an aircraft destined for the United States not to report an ill person on board.
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18 USC §1017, 14 CFR §§1221.102, 1221.115(a) & 1221.109(b) make it a federal crime to fraudulently use the NASA seal without permission.pic.twitter.com/DGNuZNZtEV
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