Here is the motherlode from 201812
A month featuring , John Malkovich, , Mads Mikkelson, Dave Allen, Nick Knowles Stan, Lee Magnus Pyke, Jeff Carlin, Jimmy Tarbuck, Noddy Holder,Heinz Wolff and more
Pinned Tweet
Follow
Click to Follow Crap_Portraits
Crap Portraits
@Crap_Portraits
Not intentionally Crap, just talent-less. Commissions as presents for people you hate.
@crap_portraits@mastodon.social mastodon.social/@crap_portraits
Crap Portraits’s Tweets
-My wife told me to bring this rooster upstairs and ask you to tattoo the central joint in its leg.
-Ink cock knee?
-My trouble & strife told me to bring this rooster up the apples & pears and ask you to tattoo the central joint in its scotch egg.
2
26
183
Show this thread
Top work there Neil.
I’m not going to say who I think this is though as I haven’t a clue.
Almost definitely someone I don’t know of.
Quote Tweet
This kinda got away from me but they’re not all gonna be good at this stage. #learningtodraw
2
Saturday’s reguess?
Of course it was Frank Skinner.
I’m was actually quite chuffed how human this looked even if you might struggle to see the likeness.
Quote Tweet
#1432 How much are you all kicking yourselves when I tell you that this is Frank Skinner?
What a pity he's not on twitter to appreciate it.
@Baddiel
4
1
7
Show this thread
Saturday’s reguess?
Of course it was Frank Skinner.
I’m was actually quite chuffed how human this looked even if you might struggle to see the likeness.
Quote Tweet
#1432 How much are you all kicking yourselves when I tell you that this is Frank Skinner?
What a pity he's not on twitter to appreciate it.
@Baddiel
4
1
7
Show this thread
#1152 This portrait is crap, but that one is far away.
This is Father Dougal Macguire
5
2
29
Here’s a wee Saturday reguess for you.
35
17
Show this thread
#1682 This is a mono line (single line drawing) of
And yes, plenty of people spotted that, so I’m sure Danny will be ecstatic with this.
2
10
#1681 Almost forgot to post the reveal for this.
It is, of course, Bob Dylan.
Obviously.
9
2
20
“Eat Them To Defeat Them” advert for kids to eat veg might just be the worst advert I’ve seen in at least a decade. Portraying veg as something dangerous and an enemy is surely a completely rubbish message.
1
6
Easily the oddest promoted tweet I’ve seen yet.
Demersal Trawl restrictions for scallops in the Arglass Bank area, and somehow twitter concludes I’m the target audience.
1
3
In case you missed it.
Mogg being an absolute shitehawk on channel 4 news.
Quote Tweet
"There wasn't a rule that says when you were at work you couldn't eat cake."
Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg says it would be "ridiculous" for Boris Johnson to step down as an MP if he is found to have misled parliament.
Show this thread
2:42
415.4K views
2
1
8
It's been ages since I've drawn a brilliant monoline.
Unfortunately it's still ages.
But hey-ho it's Friday so there's that.
Reveal tariff : a measly 73 likes
37
1
117
Crappiversary 20220229
That oul gobshite I havent bothered to draw for a while.
Hoping I dont have to for a good while either.
Quote Tweet
#1577 It give you "Guilty as a Gobshite".
It is of course that truth twister idiot Boris Johnson
@BorisJohnson_MP
@BorisJohnson
2
10
No amateurs about here...
3
1
14
Crappiversary 20220226
I secretly liked this one, probably cos I'm a major fan of TW.
Quote Tweet
#1583
This is Tom Waits
I'm calling this one
Heart of Saturday Night¹
@tomwaits
¹
open.spotify.com/track/4YSjv3Ln
3
1
8
You can easily tell this is AI generated , when it came up with
"I see a little silhouette of a man
Boris Johnson Boris Johnson"
Show this thread
Friday Nonsense, courtesy of Chat GPT/Bing
Bohemian Tragedy
1
3
Show this thread
This is what my twitter "following" timeline looks like this morning on Android. On iOS it shows a timeline but no updates for last 9 hours. On web browser it says "welcome to Twitter". Twitter is broken, for me at least
2
It seems Mark “We are not stupid” Francois is trending yet again.
"I was in the army, I wasn't trained to lose"
7
4
25
I’d very much like to see this show. Would be great if were to add this with subtitles obvs.
Quote Tweet
“The New Vermeer,” a Dutch reality TV show combining highbrow culture and mass entertainment, asks contestants to create a painting based only on a description jotted down centuries ago. The series has been a sensation in the Netherlands. nyti.ms/3IlZXK8
1
6
Back shortly, just popping out to Lidl for a, checks notes....
Snack Helmet
4
7
60
And we all know how much she hates people moving to find a safe place.
thetimes.co.uk/article/suella
28
278
1,774
Didn’t get round to doing a fresh portrait this week, so here’s one I never posted.
Unsurprising it’s crap.
Still, check out that nose though.
32
35
In what world is Suella Braverman threatening to resign considered a "bad thing".
7
2
35
The answer is 1 quid for 180gs of single tomato goodness. 🍅
Or 5.50 per kilogram.
Yikes.
5
1
8
Show this thread
It's 180g if you were struggling to imagine the scale of it , or 5.5 of these to the Kg
4
Show this thread
On hold with . The recorded messages do a great job of implying someone will be you very quickly "we'll help you shortly".
I'm on hold 25 mins which goes way beyond my definition of "shortly"
2
4
When your aunt passes down your cousin’s old party dress to you and your mum says to stop being so bloody ungrateful as it fits just fine.
73
60
1,606
#1680 This is comedian and DJ Mark Lamarr.
I’m pleased to say that the vast vast majority of you correctly guessed this as Mark.
No doubt will be equally delighted.
9
1
45
Been looking at some art this afternoon.
"Tommaso".
Spotted the archer in the bottom left of painting. Bears a striking resemblance to Ken Dodd.
3
1
24
It would be a shame if something happened to your lovely twitter account.
Quote Tweet
NEW: Twitter is planning to unveil a new policy as soon as this afternoon that only Blue subscribers will be able to use SMS-based two-factor authentication, according to company sources.
Show this thread
2
Friday night.
7pm.
Fresh portrait time.
This should be worth, shall we say, 79 likes?
49
4
125
Norman Wisdom was trending yesterday and I mean to post this.
Still better late than never Mr Grimsdale.
11
41
Must have been a terrible topic to write about, I mean, it's no picnic. No doubt a real boost to get rescued. I'm sure they didn't revel in the publicity.
7
Tranquility time.
Today, "about tea-time".
Belfast lough shore.
Shot on mobile phone, RAW mode + levels and colour balance
1
17