Having been immersed in the mommy-sphere for about a year now, it’s striking to see how much of an implicit philosophical battle rages between different factions. The main divergence: “how do we derive (mommy) knowledge?”
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One faction, loosely associated with attachment parenting, sees the child as the source of knowledge. It knows, it leads, it directs. As a fresh creation, it is unsullied by the distortions of culture.
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The other faction sees truth as being generated more by custom & the mother. Her authority, instinct and guidance lead the child.
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One thing that most ascendent “mom thinking” has in common, though, is distrust of certain orthodoxies (mostly of the *scientific* child rearing practices of the 20th century). Ideas that ignored basic instincts and turned out to be wrong - like “formula is best”.
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But the main epistemological difference on the mom—-baby axis leads to some serious differences in practices and to some really strong tribal allegiances. Everything from sleep to feeding to clothing & toys is disputed territory.
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And the main weapon against the other camp is guilt (and accusations that they are trying to *shame you*).
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Alex Kaschuta Retweeted Private Prayers
Great observation. Turning practical matters into ideology is often the mark of the hobbyist. Once you do industrial scale child rearing, the practical pattern emerges.https://twitter.com/PrayersPrivate/status/1453702812995657731?s=20 …
Alex Kaschuta added,
Private Prayers @PrayersPrivateReplying to @kaschutaAnyone who’s raised more than 1 kid knows there’s a few fundamental rules re:love, discipline, stability. The rest gets tweaked based on kids’ temperaments. What worked for my daughter didn’t for my son & vice versa. Wonder if mommy wars are most intense amongst parents w/1 kid.4 replies 6 retweets 103 likesShow this thread -
The level of involvement required by some adherents to the child-centric model almost prohibits having more than one (you may have to put it down eventually!)
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Alex Kaschuta Retweeted Thurstone MOAR III
I think this is a key observation. Children’s bids for parental attention are calibrated for an environment where there were typically many more siblings, many fewer comforts and the general business of survival to tend to.https://twitter.com/ThurstoneMOAR/status/1453846319869554691?s=20 …
Alex Kaschuta added,
Thurstone MOAR III @ThurstoneMOARReplying to @kaschutaChildren likely evolved to elicit care from those around them, but often in a different environment where parents were busy with other things and other caregivers and siblings and children were around too. In current environments they can elicit a lot more. It can be oppressive.1 reply 0 retweets 31 likesShow this thread -
So, though the child in a way “knows what’s best” he is nature’s ultimate mommy attention grabber, and if mommy is just hovering over his crib 24/7 she may end up psychotic.
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Relationship game theory - the demanding party doesn't always actually want demands fulfilled - sometimes it's a probe for information.
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