𝓝𝓪𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓮 𝓦𝔂𝓷𝓷  💎

[CW transphobia, dysphoria, general human folly] I've been experiencing a pretty severe return to dysphoria lately, and I know I'm not supposed to tweet, but I don't see many people talking about this outside Dark Side spaces, and that makes me lonely, so fuck it, I'm tweeting.

My dysphoria now (at 8 months full-time trans & HRT) is the worst it's ever been. That seems very discouraging at first, because isn't transitioning supposed to fix this? Well, yes, but there's a reason it's gotten worse.

In order for me to start transitioning in the first place, I had to get to a point where I was comfortable with goals that seemed achievable at the time. So my thinking was: "I just want to be more feminine, I don't have to look female to feel good about myself."

Well, about that. As I've made progress toward assimilation into a female social role, every aspect of me that isn't female has become a source of pain.

I look back on the "Gender Dysphoria" video I made last year and I think: You goddamn dilettante. You have no idea how bad this is gonna get.