YouTuber, ex-philosopher 
Business email: info@contrapoints.com
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This is how you end up reading threads about yourself on 4chan/lgbt at 2am with a bottle of gin and just reveling in the masochistic glory of being called an AGP hon by other self-loathing trans women who screech at each other about being AGP hons all day.
This is very bad, of course. It's sadsacks externalizing their own self-loathing, and it's not the truth anymore than the cushiest hugbox is the truth. It's—what's the opposite of a hugbox? An iron maiden. But it feels like truth when you hate yourself.
At the end of the day what you really need is a sharp-tongued though compassionate gay, or an experienced trans mom to take an interest in you, and give unflinching though constructive feedback. That's what actually helps.
Anyway, probably this is all going to end in a lot of cosmetic surgery. But before doing that you want to be able to tell the difference between dysphoria about what you look like and dysmorphia about what you fear you look like.
And seeing as the feedback is mixed and I don't trust my own perception, I don't know how I'm supposed to figure that out. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I think the prob is so many trans spaces focus so much on validation that venting becomes more an invitation for others to flex their progressivism & tolerance. It stops being about people talking through their issues & more about everyone *needing* to feel good about themselves.
I used to insist to people that I was ugly. There's a twisted kind of comfort to be found in insisting you're beyond hope. For one, there's no pressure any more to try. There's no point, you're ugly anyway. And for a good while I hated therapy for shattering this comfortable lie
In the end though, I feel better now that I no longer use negatives to hide behind. But that process of getting there sucked so much.
Look, Contra, sometimes hrt can really cause some of these negative feelings.. Many people (mainly those who use blockers) experience things such as brain fog or get very slow results and thus very sad in the process...
Just to make myself clear, I am not saying some hrt is better or worse than other, I just want to clarify that there IS some aspect of it we often overlook, the mental one, and it is as important as the body changes...
I think that's true for everyone, but it isn't. It isn't recognizing your shortcomings so you can accept them or change them. It's just self destructive & harmful.
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