𝓝𝓪𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓮 𝓦𝔂𝓷𝓷  💎

I have conflicted feelings about having cosmetic surgery (facial feminization in particular), and didn't think I'd want it when I started transitioning, but lately I find myself thinking about it every day.

The purpose would be: 1. to pass better 2. to help with my own dysphoria 3. to be more hotter

A lot of people try to reassure me that I don't need it to pass. But I definitely still get clocked, and that's honestly often an experience of despair.

Passing is actually a complicated and ambiguous concept. Here are three interpretations:

Passing A: strangers usually default to your preferred pronouns without being corrected. Passing B: people usually don't notice you're trans until it's pointed out to them. Passing C: people usually can't distinguish you from a cis person, even if they have an eye out for it.

Passing A is available to most trans people with enough time, resources and effort. I consistently A-pass (sorry for made-up jargon). Passing B is something I want and don't have. Passing C is not available even as a lifetime goal to most of us, I think including me.

My desire to B-Pass raises some uncomfortable questions. If strangers usually don't misgender me (and usually they don't)—why should I care whether or not they can tell I'm trans? Is it bad to be trans?

This is particularly a worry since I'm a fairly public and visible trans person. Shouldn't I be proud to be trans? Shouldn't I be modeling trans-positive thinking and behavior?