𝓝𝓪𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓮 𝓦𝔂𝓷𝓷  💎

But I know that, in fact, Blaire knows better. I know, @MsBlaireWhite, that *you know* that straight men are attracted to you, and gay men are not. But Blaire decides not to mention this.

What's important is that Arielle is not claiming merely that she "has a right" not to sleep with trans women, nor that she is not a bigot for preferring not to, but that *attraction to women itself* necessarily excludes attraction to trans women.

Hence this language of "I'm not into trans women BECAUSE I'm a lesbian." Why would being a lesbian preclude attraction to trans women unless trans women are not women?

Blaire acts down with this, but would she be down with Arielle saying "straight men aren't attracted to you because they're not gay"? Performatively she might be, though the testimony of her actual experience says otherwise, as Blaire herself has discussed elsewhere.

There's a video or stream (link anyone?) where Blaire discusses how she believes she increases trans acceptance merely by looking the way she does. Men tell her "I never thought I'd be attracted to a trans woman because I never thought a trans woman could look like you."

And here's the critical point: these men thought that they would never be attracted to a trans woman *because they had an ignorant misconception* about the way trans women look.

And THIS is the point that Riley, Zinnia, Kat, et al keep making, which everyone seems so determined to misinterpret: not that you're a bigot for not being into trans people, but that the *assumption* that you aren't is often based on ignorant misconceptions about trans people.

Now I do think it's important for us as activists to avoid "shamey" language when discussing this, because we'd all rather be seduced than lectured, and because these misconceptions are the rule, not the exception.

In fact, I used to share these misconceptions myself! Five years ago I wouldn't have thought I'd want to sleep with a trans person. When I first came out myself, I assumed that only bisexuals would ever be into me. I couldn't imagine that a gay girl or straight guy could be.

Wrong on all counts, as it turns out. There's not a shortage of exclusively gynephilic people who are into me—and I'm far from the most cis-passing of trans women.

Likewise the experience of being intimate with trans women has (TMI ahoy) been kind of amazing. I'd go so far as to say that it's hard to grasp the full visceral truth of the slogan "trans women are women" until you've been there. It feels like being with a woman.

(Not necessarily the case for all trans women of course, and alas. If she's been presenting male for decades and came out yesterday she probably won't "feel" like a woman to most people.)

Whether or not someone "feels" like a woman is of course somewhat subjective and mysterious. But I can assure you that the experience is possible.

Arielle, however, is not only not interested in having this experience (which is totally fine, only do it if you really want to!), but she's seemingly intent on denying that anyone else has or can have this experience.

This arrogant presumption is exacerbated by Arielle's ignorant notion of what sex with trans women is like. She says: "I don't even like strap ons, I don't want to be penetrated at all!"

Anyone who knows what they're talking about knows that not wanting to be topped by a trans woman is unlikely to be a problem. Much more common is the opposite issue: chasers want us to top them and we have no interest in doing that.

Some trans women are into topping, but many if not most are not. Some trans women don't have penises at all, and some who do aren't interested in using them in any way.

You might think, "some trans women are attractive but I'm not into dicks." That might be less of a problem than you think. Would you be into one of those trans women going down on you?

Now again I really must emphasize that I'm not trying to persuade or coerce anyone into having sex with trans women. Repeat x 1000000: don't fuck a trans woman unless you think she's sexy as hell and are super into it.

But Arielle is not merely defending sexual autonomy and the right to choose who you fuck. If that were all she was doing I'd be in complete agreement.

But in fact she's pushing ignorant ideas about trans people and trans sexuality, she's erasing the experiences of everyone who is attracted to trans people, and she's using the whole issue as a weapon with which to malign us as homophobic, predatory, and entitled.