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I initially thought that, because I'm not ashamed to be trans, it'd be no problem that my history living as a man is so public. I thought that because I'm honest and shun euphemism it wouldn't bother me. But it's not that simple.
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Reminders of the past can be unpleasant. And I'm surrounded by them, in part because I'm lucky: I've kept most of my past friends, kept my career, etc.
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But I understand now the urge to do a hard reset of your life when you transition: leave the state, get a new job, get new friends, create a whole new social world around your correct gender.
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I feel like a fugitive from my past gender, this nightmare always lurking behind me, potentially nullifying all my present experience.
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Of course that's not how I *should* feel, but when has human psychology ever abided by the way things *should* be?
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End of conversation
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This used to be *required* of people seeking trans affirming care. Gatekeepers would withold care of the individual didn’t want to relocate, and live life as “stealth.”
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Those experiences are also a very important part of your current life though. We don't need to live out our past selves, but we do need to live with them.
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Relatable :/
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Ohhh, THAT'S why I've been.....getting that feeling.....
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I did that. I think a lot about being a teacher. I was probably a terrible teacher to be honest. But the past is still important.
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