YouTuber, ex-philosopher 
Business email: info@contrapoints.com
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To be a trans woman is to become a contestant in an extremely high-stakes beauty contest.
I theoretically knew this would happen, but it's still been a little shocking to experience first hand the way men in particular just can't help themselves commenting on my attractiveness—even if their relationship to me is familial or medical.
And it's not just a matter of vanity or romantic eligibility—being fuckable is the key that grants you access to acceptance, public safety, even medical treatment.
In my case the consensus seems to be that I'm at least sexually plausible. And isn't that just fuckin great for me. Well, yes. Yes it is. But the fact that it MATTERS so much also has a negative psychological effect.
When I was filming last night I threw a big tantrum because I didn't look pretty enough, and I redid all my makeup and reshot a whole scene. This isn't the person I want to be. I should be above tantrums about makeup.
But but because the stakes are so high, it's about more than just vanity and I sort of can't be above it. It sucks.
Oh—and I'm not even complaining about the compliments from men. This is a brag, not a humble brag. They're complimenting me because they think it matters to me. And they're right. It matters a lot.
Ah that's true, passing is not the same as fuckability
Important to remember, since this means: you can choose to quit the beauty pageant at some point + still be safe
Just to say, but thanks so much for being so open & honest about the challenges you've faced in transition. It's helped me gain perspective.
You obviously were under no obligation to share you experiences but for a cis guy like myself it's been so eye opening to hear in real time.
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