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My voice has become the source of intense frustration and despair. My body—whatever, bodies are things. But my voice is my soul.
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The thing is, I sort of don't agree. At least, I don't think I sound like a valley girl. I am doing a very feminine sing-songy cadence. It's an efficient way to have my voice recognized as feminine though my pitch isn't up there yet.
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But enough people criticize my current voice (and this isn't just pepes and TERFs either, whose opinions are discarded instantly) that I think I'm probably doing something wrong.
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But I don't know what to do. Because the only alternative I have now is to speak in a more masculine voice. I know trans women who do that and people say: "you sound like a dude, you're not even trying."
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I know people will say: "Don't do things to please other people, just do what makes you happy!" But often what makes us happy is inextricably tied up with what other people think.
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I guess what I need to do is try out different voices, record myself, listen to myself, tweak, alter, rehearse, repeat. For months. Until I have a voice I'm so confident that any criticism can be brushed off.
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I know how to create a voice. I've done it before. My "natural male speaking voice" is something I invented in my early twenties, when I decided Americans sound dumb. So I practiced suppressing any regional American inflections/vowel sounds.
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This time around I will not capitulate to prejudice. American's aren't dumber than anyone else. Women aren't dumber than anyone else. Whatever people think, I want to sound like an American woman, because that's what I am.
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If I were confident in my voice, none of this would matter. But my intense insecurity about it makes the criticisms really stick. I just don't want to speak at all at this point. But I can't do that, speaking is my job.
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End of conversation
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in my experience, the folks who criticise trans women's voices are universally garbage
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i heard "you're trying too hard" from my mom who has maybe been the most supportive of me since i came out, which killed me but it also
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kinda puts into perspective that even people you trust have those subconscious biases you've mentioned before
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People associate feminine voices with weakness/stupidity. It's not you, it's sexism.
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