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Actually I have continuous agonizing soul-searching about whether I'm actually fine with it. There were def points when I was editing this last video where I stopped and thought... waaaaaat the fuck am I doing?
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Considering how anxious I am about passing IRL, it sure is weird that on YouTube I'm apparently fine presenting as a series of drag queens and female impersonators. 
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Idk. On the one hand I think playing a glitterbeard genderfuck was a really important step for me. To put on a beard, pretend not to be a woman for several hours, then take it all off and go, "yep, still a woman"—that's a good feeling. It's maturity, confidence, security.
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On the other hand, when I put that beard on & looked in the mirror there was def a surge of existential dread. Looking like a bearded drag queen is kind of a trans woman's worst nightmare? But I tried to find a place of beauty & confidence in it & I think I came out stronger.
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Anyway... I think I'm gonna try presenting female in my next video, that should be a healthy change of pace for me lololol
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I think control is a big factor in it, maybe? Like, passing IRL is something that's largely out of your control, but making a deliberate choice to put on a costume and not pass is something you have control over.
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yes that's a huge part of it
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I am a transgender woman. I was asked to play the part of straight drag queen once and I declined. I know that it would have just been an act, but it just didn't feel right. I was also afraid that it would give people the wrong impression about who I am. 1/
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Baltimore was an important character for that video though. I don't think that anyone would believe that you are Baltimore, unless you presented like them on a regular basis. I really liked the character Baltimore. They seem like the perfect skeptic. I think Hume would approve.
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Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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I relate. Since I came out, I’ve struggled to resemble what I’m expected to look like as a woman and it’s easy to look at myself like I’m a man like people say I am. Seeing you play Baltimore was inspiring because you know you’re a woman no matter what costume you’re wearing.
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While I was watching the video, I was actually wondering if you were feeling the same way I do. I was hoping you weren’t feeling dysphoric. I loved how sassy and confident you acted as Baltimore. Some of their takedowns made me giggle.
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