𝓝𝓪𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓮 𝓦𝔂𝓷𝓷  💎

At this conference I met another female content creator I had not interacted before but who also experiences a lot of harassment, and we bonded over this condescending question we both get a lot, which is a variation on “how do you cope with all the shit you get?”

“Cope” - like if you continue making content and have not (yet) killed yourself, you have therefore figured out a coping strategy and are dealing with it. In some people’s minds this feeds into their narrative that you are an acceptable target.

Here’s the thing I’m coming to realize – most content creators, but especially women, just kind of live their lives in a constant low-key state of terror.

Like honestly the idea at this point of “coping” is so alien to me. There is no “cope”. There are no systems in place to assist or aid in healing with this sort of thing. You just keep on running pretending like the engine hasn’t stalled a long time ago.

I kept thinking last night “when am I going to hit my breaking point” like I didn’t hit it a long time ago. The engine is stalled but the vehicle still keeps going because inertia.

I have so many harassers that correctly asses that I am a miserable person, while conveniently sidestepping that they are the major source of said misery.

A lot of people have been sharing that Guardian article about burnout, but a huge contribution to burnout is just the emotional burden of pretending everything is fine when it’s really, really not. It’s fine. This is fine.

Like my life is objectively awesome. I have a huge platform. I make good money and have employees. I am surrounded by colleagues I love and respect. And my day to day existence is dominated by this low key dread that I feel guilty about even having in the first place.