𝓝𝓪𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓮 𝓦𝔂𝓷𝓷  💎

What happens every time I drag someone on Twitter (until yesterday the last one was what, Arielle back in April?) is I waste an entire day on it and then am left with this emotional hangover, feeling I've accomplished nothing but igniting waves of anger and pain.

I feel a need to reassure myself like wait, why did I do this again? I knew I had to say something about Singal when the Atlantic article broke, & on my timeline I saw 1 almost every trans person decrying it & 2 enthusiastic retweets from Blanchard, Dreger and a bunch of TERFs.

Like if I made a video about homosexuality and the majority of gay people hated it while it was enthusiastically endorsed by Ted Cruz and Pat Robertson, I'd have to look at myself and say, oh shit: empirically, I have fucked up.

But I generally don't get involved with these disputes on Twitter. The only reason I did this time is that, as I said, I'm widely viewed as a Singal apologist, which I'm not.

But I suppose I'm worried that my motivation here is too much "I want to wash my hands of the situation" and not enough "something good will happen because I'm doing this."

There's also this background anxiety I have around what I said last night about the obligations of public representatives. I've had no choice but to take on the trans representative role since I came out, and as my platform grows so does that obligation.

And to be honest I'm often not sure I'm up to it. Everything I said about Singal's failures will at some point be said about me. Much of it already has. What does being a good representative involve in my case? Do I just visibly be myself? Or do I have to toe a more generic line?

I'm an abnormal trans person. I wasn't a trans child. I think of myself as transitioning from one gender to another rather than expressing an inherent essence. My sexual orientation has shifted with my transition. I have a performative, non-ontological view of what gender even is