Business email: info@contrapoints.com
I can’t stand to watch even ten seconds of my old videos because gender dysphoria. So I’m now in the weird situation that my fans know my backlog better than I do.
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Sometimes people will quote one of my own videos to me and I’ll be like, “that’s funny, who said that?”
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I guess I’m uncomfortable that people still watch my old videos alongside my new ones. New viewers sometimes watch the backlog in no particular order, leaving them with the impression that I’m a genderfluid genderfuck rather than a trans woman.
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Maybe that’s why I cling to this now outdated idea of being “MtF.” I have to coexist forever alongside these videos of me being (to my own perception) self-evidently a man. So it’s comforting to be able to say “I am not what I was.”
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I should just be happy that people still enjoy stuff I worked really hard at in the past. But to me it’s just this nauseating horror, this ball and chain I carry around. A profitable ball and chain, though, so I can’t really complain.
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When I recommend your channel to friends I tell them you're a trans woman and started your channel pre-transition, and suggest that they start with "does the left hate free speech" and work forwards from there, so the characters develop in the correct sequence.
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If those people go back to your older videos later, they'll be doing it with the knowledge of who you are and how you present now.
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I have difficulty watching your older videos too, though I have been doing it because you have good things to say. I think it’s hard because I see the masculinity as a mask, you’re still in there but cloaked with “layers of defensive irony.” The dysphoria seems pretty apparent.
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You should feel free to do whatever you want with those videos, up to just straight up deleting them, but fwiw I had no trouble parsing what was going on when I was first introduced to your content. The context they provided for how your perspective has changed was really great.
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That said that’s an unusually invasive discourse and your feelings on the matter need to be front and center. your videos are unusually open on these really personal topics - you shouldn’t have to go further than comfortable for anyone’s perceived “benefit”z
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I did that, but no you hammered that point pretty good and left zero confusion (at least for me)
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"genderfluid genderfuck" sound like something you whould call yourself in those early (or mid-) videos.
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