Business email: info@contrapoints.com
Sometimes people will quote one of my own videos to me and I’ll be like, “that’s funny, who said that?”
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I can’t stand to watch even ten seconds of my old videos because gender dysphoria. So I’m now in the weird situation that my fans know my backlog better than I do.
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I guess I’m uncomfortable that people still watch my old videos alongside my new ones. New viewers sometimes watch the backlog in no particular order, leaving them with the impression that I’m a genderfluid genderfuck rather than a trans woman.
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Maybe that’s why I cling to this now outdated idea of being “MtF.” I have to coexist forever alongside these videos of me being (to my own perception) self-evidently a man. So it’s comforting to be able to say “I am not what I was.”
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I should just be happy that people still enjoy stuff I worked really hard at in the past. But to me it’s just this nauseating horror, this ball and chain I carry around. A profitable ball and chain, though, so I can’t really complain.
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I was actually going through some of your old videos recently and, primarily spurred by your comment in The West video about how dysphoria makes you feel adrift in time, it's quite striking how your perception has shifted and how I am now aware of that.
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I'm glad the old stuff is still up and out there though because it does contextualize a lot of the journey you're on and how your ideas and content has evolved with your changing sense of self identity.
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Honestly, the meta-narrative those videos tell of your personal trans journey has been an invaluable perspective for me, a cis dude. Those vids are earnestly loved, no matter what you decide to do with them now. New archive channel? Just ignore? Delete? Do what is best for you!
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Thanks for the wonderful content. It's the hands-down fuckin best.
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The first videos of yours I saw were before transition, and you were pretty obviously to me a trans woman, even though you had clearly not transitioned.
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That said, I really can't watch your old videos again. The closest I've come were the commentary streams you made in which you often told your past self to transition already, and I'm not going to watch those again either.
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