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  1. Pinned Tweet
    Jan 29

    Regarding toasting bagels — we need to start at a common baseline of facts: 🥯 It is not possible to get a real bagel off a grocery store shelf. 🥯 A bagel does not come in packaging. 🥯 If it is not squishy, it is not a real bagel. 🥯 Those above things are bread circles.

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  2. 18 hours ago
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  3. 18 hours ago

    It’s extremely weird that we have the capacity for super sonic flight and don’t use it. Kind of like how we can get to the Moon and Mars, but just...don’t.

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  4. 18 hours ago

    I mean it makes complete sense that there’s a random wave of unionization when suddenly there’s more jobs than workers, and we just endured 14 months where working in public came with risk of serious illness or death, I’m not sure why anyone is surprised.

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  5. 18 hours ago
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  6. 18 hours ago
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  7. Retweeted

    I scheduled the closing on my first home today. This is literally only possible because of all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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  8. Retweeted
    19 hours ago

    *James McGrew has been arrested in AZ on multiple charges in Capitol riot. *”King James” belly tattoo. (FBI matched photos from 2012 booking photo.) *Clashed with cops: “We’re coming in here, whether you like it or not.” *Charges: Assault; obstruction.

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  9. 19 hours ago

    How many times is this headline gonna get written

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  10. 19 hours ago
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  11. Retweeted

    An experimental treatment uses virtual reality technology to immerse a patient in a 3-D environment that mimics a traumatic memory. It has shown success in treating PTSD, anxiety and phobias, and could address a dire mental health crisis.

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  12. Retweeted

    I am honestly super-excited to watch people make excuses for Donald Trump when he says that he will be reinstated as president. It’s going to be amazing. There’ll be 48 hours of “This is beyond the pale” and then three weeks of “Why does Liz Cheney keep bringing this up?"

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  13. 19 hours ago
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  14. Retweeted
    Jun 3

    As a gay man I could show up to the hospital with my head decapitated and the doctor would ask “hmm, are you by chance sexually active?”

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  15. 19 hours ago
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  16. 20 hours ago

    unilaterally disarming will always end badly.

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  17. 20 hours ago

    The dancer in the Big Short who says she owns like 5 condos

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  18. 20 hours ago

    Me on September 1 when Joe Biden is still President and Donald Trump gets caught being a completely unhinged liar again.

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  19. 20 hours ago
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  20. 20 hours ago

    I called an Italian restaurant and almost hung up because they said 'good evening' in Italian and I thought I had the wrong restaurant called Buona Sera i have absolutely no idea how to participate in society anymore

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  21. 20 hours ago

    if corporations really want to show they are participating in pride month, gay people should get to go the front of the phone queue when waiting for customer support

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