Conan O'BrienVerified account

@ConanOBrien

The voice of the people. Sorry, people.

Los Angeles
Joined February 2010

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  1. For Mother's Day, I gave my Mom a ticket to visit her favorite son. He lives in Florida.

  2. May 13

    Best street food in Ancient Rome Handsomest guy in the Aztec Empire Longest continuous pee

  3. May 12

    Dredge: Whether you’re coating something delicious in flour, or looking for a body in a lake, dredge is your word.

  4. May 11

    A life-size statue of Ronald McDonald was stolen from a McDonald's in New Jersey. Police are on the lookout for someone very sad.

  5. May 10

    Maybe it’s me, but Mike Pence has that look you get when you realize the gnat is too far down your throat to spit out.

  6. May 9

    Overheard in 2026: “I know of this one man, he’s so rich, he went to a DOCTOR.”

  7. May 8

    Barack Obama's biography is out tmrw. Just getting the word out so I'm not the only one outside Barnes & Noble at midnight dressed as Obama.

  8. May 7

    I blame the Wright brothers for inventing a machine that practically begs you to kick a family off it then later settle out of court.

  9. May 6

    At Starbucks this morning, everyone is on their laptops drafting a healthcare bill.

  10. May 5

    Turns out you can just *buy* a Rodeo Champion belt buckle.

  11. May 4

    Do you think Henry the VIII and Anne Boleyn liked their celebrity couple name, “Anery the VIIIeyn”?

  12. May 3

    If I were in prison, I wouldn’t ruin my spoon trying to tunnel out, because going without morning yogurt is its own prison.

  13. May 2

    Do these jeans make my ass look existent?

  14. May 1

    We could end all crime if we just sentenced convicts to lick the bottom of a Chuck-E-Cheese ball pit.

  15. Apr 30

    Took my family to the Renaissance Fair on Saturday; today we are all laid up with melancholy humours.

  16. Apr 29

    The year is 2052, President Cooterpie has declared war on That Island of Plastic Garbage in the Pacific, and the Stones are still touring.

  17. Apr 28

    Tomorrow on TBS, faces his greatest nightmare: a funny female immigrant with a brain. hosts @ 10/9c.

  18. Apr 28

    Actively ignoring the guy in the stall next to mine who keeps asking if I want to “see Baby Groot.”

  19. Apr 27

    For my latest , I strapped on a Oculus Rift headset and saw my dim future in VR.

  20. Apr 27

    Crazy idea, but what if Donald, Vlad, Kim Jong and Xi just like, I don’t know, got a weekend beach house & talked it out. Dennis Rodman too.

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