colleen

@Coll3enG

patron saint of chaos

arizona state
Vrijeme pridruživanja: srpanj 2012.
Rođen/a 21. listopada

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    4. kol 2019.

    the only thing men collectively have is the audacity

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  2. prije 16 minuta

    the canadians r weighing in

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  3. prije 2 sata

    i had a dream last night that jeff bezos was at my house and my mom was like “okay go say something funny to him” and the only funny thing i could think to say was to repeatedly ask him how difficult it was for him to invent the iphone

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  4. prije 14 sati

    only people awake right now is drunk coll3en and the girl coming out of my building’s gym that looked at me and said “you’re twitter famous aren’t you”

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  5. prije 18 sati

    imagine if u had to go under oath before sex he’d be like “you like that big dick” and you’d have to be like “i’m pleading the fifth your honor”

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  6. prije 21 sat

    before you text him back tonight think to yourself “what do i gain from this?”, realize the answer is nothing, and buy yourself a decent vibrator

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  7. prije 24 sata

    offered to bring my mom food at work and she texts me this. rude honestly.

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  8. 4. velj

    i would never be allowed on the bachelor because my genuine strategy if i found out a man was fucking thirty other girls would be to fly out a different man to that stupid ass island every night so we could have sex. if peter gets to have hoes out the wazoo then so do I

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  9. 4. velj

    literally the worst part of the bachelor is that u can hear the noises they make when they kiss

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  10. 4. velj

    u could literally text a man “you’re making me cry right now” and these stupid little sociopaths will text you back “:)” i hate it here

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  11. 4. velj

    stop fake laughing at jokes men make they’ll still want to have sex with you if you don’t and they’re already too confident as it is

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  12. 3. velj

    a better life hack than checking snapchat scores is to only talk to boys who have sisters. they might still be shady but they’re gonna be better liars and way nicer about how they’re cheating on you, i promise

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  13. 3. velj

    why does he literally look like a member of the blue man group

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  14. 2. velj

    i know i’m too dumb to have a boyfriend because you’d have to remember their main football team like the one they support year round AND their side chick football team (the one they support for the super bowl) and that’s just too much for me to handle at this point in my life

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Just watched Colleen take out her AirPods, put them into her ear sockets, and type “Gossip Girl theme song” into a YouTube search bar someone please just steal her I can’t do this anymore

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  16. 2. velj

    i dated a dj once which basically just means his frat let him choose the songs they play from the spotify app at a party and he got legitimately mad at me for going to a job interview and missing his “set”

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  17. 2. velj

    super bowl sunday is the one day a year when a girl can be a pick me ass bitch and no other girls can say anything else about it

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  18. 2. velj

    all men do is gaslight the shit out of me when literally all it would take for me to prove them wrong is scrolling back thru four days of texts but i’m not gonna do that i’m just gonna block u

    Poništi
  19. 2. velj

    love when you ignore a dude’s message and they passive aggressively message you something like “ok i got the hint” like clearly you did NOT get the fucking hint since you’re annoying the shit out of me with this creepy double text bullshit

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  20. 2. velj

    a problem w dating straight men is that i can never tell if they’re emotionally intelligent and able to talk about their feelings or if they’re just making shit up so i’ll suck their dick

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  21. 1. velj

    no longer referring to it as “getting dicked down” we’re referring to it as “getting pussied up”

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