It's gonna be so exciting to see a witch hunt catch an actual witch!
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Kaine is def the step dad. Pence is the biological father that shows up drunk at midnight like, "You enjoying the house I PAID FOR?"
These Republican candidates are talking about creating jobs, but they're mainly just creating jobs for the SNL wig department.
Tonight. 9pm Eastern. 11am Guam.
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Michael Che and @ColinJost are back! #WeekendUpdate Summer Edition premieres tonight at 9/8c on @nbc.
Wanted to wish good luck on his first day of school today.
(You know it’s an authentic behind-the-scenes video because there’s a ladder and a light in the background.)
Chris Wallace just had to silence the audience from laughing at Trump saying "No one has more respect for women than me."
"Yeah I bragged about assaulting women but at least I'm not chopping people's heads off!"
I love
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Well Spicer had a great run! Unfortunately it was into a sliding glass door.
HOLY SHIT SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS JOLIE-PITT DIVORCE IN TERMS OF SKITTLES BECAUSE I DONT UNDERSTAND IT
My flight landed an hour early and the stewardess said, "Give the captain a round of applause for driving the plane like he stole it."
I just took the "Are You Colin Jost or Michael Che?" Buzzfeed quiz and I got Che
buzzfeed…
Hey I'm just seeing all this garbage. Don't worry. It'll all be ok. Everyone who knows you knows you're the best.
I wonder if we were drinking
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Hi Twitter. I spent the last 3 years writing a book and it’s coming out April 14. It’s called “A Very Punchable Face” based on the fact that several of my friends have told me, “You have a very punchable face.”
(People on Twitter have said much worse.)
This joke was from Saturday but Mark Lilla's op-ed on Sunday expanded on this idea. mobile.nytimes.com/2016/11/20/opi
Just once I want the Oscar voiceover to say: "This is the first and LAST Oscar for [winner's name]."
Always fun watching dismantle my favorite football team. And he plays piano!
The Dream
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Attention Lorne Michaels,
Chicago is rallying for @BQQuinn @jamessmurray @SalVulcano @Joe_Gatto to host #SNL. 
Scott Baio to women: "Grow up"
Women to Scott Baio: "Sorry, who are you?"
If you are stuck at home for the weekend or the next three months, check out this excerpt from my new book that was published in the New Yorker this week. You can pre-order the book now so it arrives in the middle of the lockdown. Also works as kindling!
Hey @BraunStrowman I've consulted with my attorneys and they said that "Get These Hands" could be construed as a threat. I assured them that you're a non-violent person. A "gentle giant," if you will. So let's work this out like gentlemen. Do you play chess perchance?
Trump: "I was in Little Haiti in Florida." JUST AS IMPRESSIVE AS VISITING REGULAR HAITI!
Who cares what white nationalists are saying? Why are you even reporting on their viewpoints? This promotes their cause more than Bannon.
Hey @BraunStrowman not to make a big fuss, but that was a rental and I didn’t pay for insurance. Maybe I can send you my Venmo info and you can reimburse me?
PS are you watching The Bachelor? Crazy!
See you soon amigo!
#GetTheseFriends
In retrospect, Trump's first hundred days might end up being his best hundred days.
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Update covers President Trump's firing of FBI Director James Comey. #SNLLiveCoastToCoast
Watching car commercials during football. Does every car just win every award?
Chris Wallace: "Didn't you use some of your charity money to settle lawsuits?"
Trump: "We put up an American flag."
America: "But... Hmmmm."
Could not ask for better portraits.
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@SNLUpdate @ColinJost #MichaelChe Our 11 and 14 year olds had to choose someone to do a caricature of at art camp... #ParentingWin
Kenny!
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Tropical Storm Colin sounds like something Leslie Jones would call me.
Silver lining?
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"A record number of female minorities were elected to the Senate. Let's see all of their names right now." - @colinjost #ChappelleOnSNL
so you think 100 percent of Trump voters were hatred and 0 percent had any other rationale?
Trump: "I should've gotten an Emmy!"
For the first time, I feel you bro!
Even the plane behind them is attempting to take off and escape this debate.
This was one of my favorites from Saturday. Hat tip to @thejoshpatten and
I look like a serial killer in this photo but come check it out anyway! First trip to Alabama!
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This was one of the first sketches I wrote for SNL, featuring the great Will Forte aka
youtube.com/watch?v=gV0CVX
Happy Halloween!
On behalf of all slow white guys, I just want to say I find this deeply accurate.
"Obama doesn't realize we're living in the 21st Century."
- Ben Carson, creationist
Man, I love Eli Manning. He helped bring us two Super Bowls. And he's a class act. (And a great host.) I... fb.me/3flQf5nNW
Doesn't it sound like he's impressed that the president of Taiwan had a phone? He CALLED ME. SOUNDED LIKE A LANDLINE TOO. $$$
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The President of Taiwan CALLED ME today to wish me congratulations on winning the Presidency. Thank you!
Just overhead my Delta pilot say: "This is my seventh leg this week and so far every plane has been broken!" As we're taxiing to the runway.
Carly Fiorina wants a "3 page tax code." Considering that an iTunes user agreement is 45 pages, I'm skeptical.
#GOPdebate
Congrats to and on their new baby boy! Amazing what you can find in an Easter egg.
#NameHimTrump #NameHimTrump
My 99-year-old grandma said, "I just wish I could meet a man like Jimmy Carter."
#HappyEaster
This was awesome
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Best thing I've seen tonight: @ColinJost singing "Go Cubs Go" w/ Rizzo,Fowler,Ross &Bill Murray while Che's in the background clapping along
This is a really cool look at all the great work our music dept does at SNL
youtube.com/watch?v=7RudKv
Plus one embarrassing moment for me
Three minutes away!
SNL with Amy Adams, One Direction, and some special Christmas guests!
I hope everyone, especially anyone in politics, watches the 13th documentary by @AVAETC
On Netflix now. It will stay with you.
RIGHT NOW! It's our last show with . One the best writers in the history of SNL and one of my favorite people of all time.
Good to be back!
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.@ColinJost and Michael Che on the first debate. #SNLPremiere @snlupdate
At this point, every person in Australia has won an Oscar.
#OscarsSoDundee
This election is good for comedy even if it's bad for America
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.@ColinJost and Che on the final presidential debate.
See this week's full Update on the SNL app: bit.ly/2eXj5DC
Trump: "China always uses the back door." Then how did their population grow so quickly?
;-)
#GOPDebate
My Grandma turned 100 today! She's still living on her own and painting and playing bridge and… instagram.com/p/BIyInqzAsG0/
About to go LIVE here at SNL with Larry David and The 1975. I'm confident Bernie Sanders will be in the top 1% of special guests.
If Pence gives his first answer in fluent Spanish, it will freak the fuck out of Tim Kaine.
Good luck today
I sent this to the Cowboys defensive line for inspiration.
Forecasters are now labeling Hermine as a post-tropical cyclone but it self-identifies as as a pre-arctic tornado
If Hurricane Hermine doesn't stand for the national anthem people are gonna really freak
I love that Mayweather and Pacquiao are both "willing" to fight again. For the record, I would also be "willing" to make $300 million.
You want to shoot me ? Well I got friends in MS-13 and I know where you live… instagram.com/p/BUKhJOlhCwv/
If there was one winner tonight, it was the Orioles-Blue Jays wild card game
#VPDebate
Almost cried at the Brad Paisley Nationwide ad. That means I'm in a good place right?
I love that everyone is saying "If Trump doesn't go crazy, he wins." Best debate standard ever. "If Lincoln don't FREAK, he got this."
WHY DID KAINE INTERRUPT PENCE TALKING ABOUT 9/11. STOP TRYING TO OUT-9/11 EACH OTHER
They just discovered that the Zika Virus can spread through sex. So be careful if anyone says, "Hey baby, you want a little head?"
Heading to Clusterfest but hoping to make it more of a Fyre Fest
Use promo code "Ja Rule" to get a free message that says "Promo code not valid"
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THIS JUST IN: @ColinJost will join @pattonoswalt, @Lesdoggg, @Reddsaidit and more on Sunday, June 23.
Single Day tickets start at only $89: on.cc.com/2Cyc99E #Clusterfest
Trump: "Have you seen the musical Chicago? People are killing each other. With their performances!"