ber

@CigNics

pretty little disappointments all in a row

san antonio, tx
Joined April 2013

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  1. 15 Dec 2018

    I keep getting the sensation that 1 of Stephen Avery's mom's mustache hairs is on my tongue.

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  2. 14 Dec 2018

    Ever think "damn I wouldn't even be mad if I died peacefully in my sleep tonight of natural causes" but like every night? Or is that just a symptom of my 30's?

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  3. Retweeted
    13 Sep 2018

    if fleetwood mac could write “rumors” on a wild monthslong coke binge while they were all breaking up with each other then i can make it through this week

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  4. Retweeted
    5 May 2017

    A t-shirt that says "I'm doing the best I can with extremely limited emotional resources" and on the back there's a dragon skateboarding

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  5. Retweeted
    19 Aug 2018

    formal request for my funeral to be half open casket, with only my legs showing

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  6. Retweeted
    16 Aug 2018

    [tips hat to a heterosexual] m’straighty

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  7. Retweeted
    15 Nov 2012

    "I don't care for her" is how Christian moms pronounce the word "cunt."

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  8. 23 Feb 2018

    [pulls away from kissing] You walked on my perfect fucking vacuum lines.

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  9. Retweeted
    15 Feb 2018

    If you haven't heard it in a while or are absent of human connection, I love you.

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  10. 9 Dec 2016

    Today I watched a woman at a desk try to itch her jooter by bam scootin her way around on a computer chair for 30 min.

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  11. 5 Dec 2016

    It's my 5 year anniversary with "I'm just going through some shit right now."

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  12. 5 Dec 2016

    My neighbor just played Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" twice. Poor thing.

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  13. Retweeted
    29 May 2012

    PREQUEL: "Goddamned Mohicans Everywhere."

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  14. 21 Feb 2016

    Not to brag but my mom's praying for me.

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  15. 22 Nov 2015

    I've had pregnancy scares but the most relief I've ever felt in my life is when the mariachis skipped my table just now.

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  16. Retweeted

    Someone heated up their leftover mermaid pussy casserole in the office microwave again.

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  17. 23 Oct 2015

    Heard Adele's new song and sprouted an extra vagina. Just here all sad with 2 of them.

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  18. 3 May 2015

    I'd love to hear about your work crush but I ate a single apple today and need to concentrate on clenching my b-hole.

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  19. Retweeted

    I named a comet after you. It's called "piece of shit comet"

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