Chuck WendigVerifizierter Account

update: what the fuck is in my mouth

that’s a rhetorical question, by the way

Last week I had a peanut butter, pickle and mayo sandwich and let me just confirm: PINEAPPLE LUMPS are a far stranger food journey.

They’re not bad. They’re just... alien in origin. Like this seems to be the thing you’d imagine Moon People would eat.

I mean, pro-side, chocolate. ... okay that’s possibly the singular pro side but we can admit it is a big pro #fuckyeahchocolate

A negative right out of the gate is that it’s called a LUMP which is more “medical diagnosis” than “confectionary treat,” but hey, culture is weird.

Inside is NOT actual pineapple but some kind of... vengeful pineapple nougat?

And that leads to the texture: at first it has the texture of a chocolate-covered marshmallow, and then... you keep chewing? And the chocolate goes. And you keep chewing? And chewing. And then it’s in your teeth. Then it has made a home for itself inside your BONE CAVE oh no

and you keep chewing

AND THEN and only then do you realize what this tastes like: Chocolate-covered chewing gum.

It tastes mostly nothing like pineapple and everything like a generic piece of bubble gum dipped in chocolate. It’s fucking WEIRD. *eats three more*

UPDATE: gave one to my wife, watched her face transform from OOH CHOCOLATE to OH NO WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. She paused in her chewing and said, “This... isn’t pineapple. Is this chocolate-covered chewing gum?”

Tonight I will feed one to my child. Prediction: #bdub will adore it.

UPDATE: #bdub loved the Pineapple Lumps and wanted more. CALLED IT.