Chad Verrall

You see, it's been a tough journey, filled with lots of tears and pain after suffering through 3 pregnancy losses since 2017. I was told those terrible words, "there is no heartbeat," on the same day I found out I was nominated for Trending Gamer of the Year. I was devastated.

My 3rd loss ended in an emergency surgery days before E3 2019, when it was discovered I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured. It was discovered I was hemorrhaging internally hours before I was supposed to board my plane for LA...on my husband's bday at that.

If you saw me with my snazzy walker that year, you saw me days after losing my third pregnancy, pushing my grief aside in one of the only ways I know how: throwing myself into my work. (The prospect of sitting home alone with my grief was a far worse one for me.)

So you can imagine when I went to the hospital with severe abdominal pain last month I was terrified, not only for myself but what it could mean for our baby. I was just starting to become comfortable with the idea that this pregnancy would make it.

Then I was told I would need major surgery that would happen around my uterus with a major risk of pre-term labor and birth, or worse. Not only was I in more pain than I've ever experienced, I had to grapple w/ the idea that the surgery to save my life would end our child's life.