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  1. 1 hour ago

    When a cashier asked me if I'd found everything I was looking for, I took by the hand, looked deeply into her eyes and said, "I have now." Was this wrong?

    Undo
  2. 1 hour ago

    Will someone please buy the Kardashian's a box of condoms?

    Undo
  3. 1 hour ago

    Silver Lining: A 350 credit score prevents Identity theft! just saying...

    Undo
  4. 1 hour ago

    DAY 126 WITHOUT SEX, I'VE LOST THE HEARING IN MY RIGHT EYE

    Undo
  5. 1 hour ago

    I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.

    Undo
  6. 1 hour ago

    Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.

    Undo
  7. 1 hour ago

    I don't need drugs to have a good time. But I do need them to focus, avoid depression, survive winter, fall asleep, stay awake, control my blood pressure, calm myself down, and to avoid choking the hell out of stupid people.

    Undo
  8. 1 hour ago

    If you call me from a private number I'll respect your privacy and not answer.

    Undo
  9. 1 hour ago

    In Florida, people get "I'm still voting" stickers.

    Undo
  10. 1 hour ago

    Disappointment is coming home to the smell of fresh baked cookies and finding out it's just a scented candle.

    Undo
  11. 2 hours ago

    Is it just me, or is Mike Pence starting to look like a middle aged lesbian?

    Undo
  12. 2 hours ago

    If the Earth is flat, then so's Trump's belly.

    Undo
  13. 2 hours ago

    One thing I've noticed about posting a lot of jokes is that it prevents me from attending my weekly Orgy Club.

    Undo
  14. 2 hours ago

    One thing I've noticed about recent conspiracy theories is that they all depend on the Trump administration being endlessly clever. I think you'll agree that no one in his administration is even clever.

    Undo
  15. 2 hours ago

    Florida traffic freaks me out because it's a confusing mix of NASCAR rejects and people old enough to have owned a Model T.

    Undo
  16. 2 hours ago

    Not to brag, but the reason I don't go jogging in the morning is because I'd just end up splashing coffee everywhere.

    Undo
  17. 2 hours ago

    Just saying, but here are some words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains," "Dumpster," "Beyond recognition," "Decapitated, ""Dental records," "Shallow grave," and "Strewn."

    Undo
  18. 2 hours ago

    SATIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There coming at us by all ankles an we need to stay ahead of there rapidly evolvfing technostogy. Help are grate precedent!

    Undo
  19. 2 hours ago

    Good morning, Rocky!

    Undo
  20. 2 hours ago

    Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.

    Undo

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