Mike CernovichVerified account

What these journalists need is to swill your gorilla juice (TM) and to follow your dating advice so they can make sweet love, all while looking only 27 years older than your alleged real age. Thank you, Pro Tweeter @Cernovich.

Never heard of you. I bet you hear that often. Good luck with your blogging career.

Get me some of that gorilla juice, dude. Pronto. And have fun Pro Tweeting!

You're never going to write for the Atlantic.

I’ll also not going to spend a sad life hawking gorilla juice, dispensing dumb advice to dudes who can’t get laid and being a Pro Tweeter. Also I don’t look 37 years older then I say I am. So we all make choices. By the way, I said send the gorilla juice. Get on the stick.

Tell me more how you don’t care as you cry into your pillow as your retweets of David Frum go unacknowledged.

The gorilla juice guy who gives dumb dating advice to losers who can’t get laid is now poring through my Twitter feed looking for ways to try to feel superior. Hilarious. I win. Where’s my gorilla juice, buddy?

It’s 3:19 a.m. in DC and this is your life. It’s as good as it’s ever going to get for you. Think about that as your head hits the pillow.

Im a working journalist and i dont even drink alcohol. Maybe this is why everyone works so much faster than me.

Don't let the system get tyou brady! And have I never had a drink with you??

I think my entire time in college I had two beers, and that was mostly out of social pressure to not be the odd man out. Since college I had a shot of some cheap scotch at my sisters wedding

Alcohol is an big hinderance. Even a couple drinks a night. I used to be a casual drinker and as I aged I was able to better notice affects

I definitely drank a lot more in my late teens. When I was 19 or 20 I just started feeling ill every time I drank and since then I’ve maybe had 5 drinks in the last 4 years