I appreciate the effort shown

I thinkkkk I have a complex about time- having people assume that taking my time is not a big deal, that I can take on projects, that I can wait for them, takes me right back to childhood. Not joyful, running around connected to source childhood- in case that didn’t read.

I have a total hunger to have people think about my time- wait can Carey take this on? Wait how would Carey do this work w/ what we know about what she’s already doing? And that is, for an adult, a total fantasy. That is my job to do. But I am HUNGRY for it.

I mean I think it’s a complex about time and being discarded. Like when ppl assume I have the time or are relaxed about taking a lot of my time I feel discarded, alone, like dangerously not valued.

It’s def not a sense of “well this person was p self-centered about their impact on me guess I have to be pushy back” it’s more like “i will never escape this person’s control and it will only expand until there is no me left.”