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I thinkkkk I have a complex about time- having people assume that taking my time is not a big deal, that I can take on projects, that I can wait for them, takes me right back to childhood. Not joyful, running around connected to source childhood- in case that didn’t read.
I have a total hunger to have people think about my time- wait can Carey take this on? Wait how would Carey do this work w/ what we know about what she’s already doing? And that is, for an adult, a total fantasy. That is my job to do. But I am HUNGRY for it.
I mean I think it’s a complex about time and being discarded. Like when ppl assume I have the time or are relaxed about taking a lot of my time I feel discarded, alone, like dangerously not valued.
It’s def not a sense of “well this person was p self-centered about their impact on me guess I have to be pushy back” it’s more like “i will never escape this person’s control and it will only expand until there is no me left.”
Same when ppl are big talkers without giving anyone else a chance to cut in- I feel myself going limp as they talk and then I feel such a strong YOU ARE NOT A SAFE PERSON TO INTERACT WITH.
Which does not work for my life at all bc I have a face ppl talk at. Also bc ppl in the population I work with are super cavalier about time. Being an agency therapist is kind of a total nightmare for my inner child.
The idea of a secretary or assistant who prompts you when it’s time to do the next thing, who takes that task out of your head and lets you fully concentrate- sounds like literal heaven to me. Sounds like God hugging me.
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