Yesterday I watched a video of a monk talking about how another name for the devil is “the accusatory spirit” and that is for sure my main sin (besides the sluttiness.)
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I am so awful about other people’s sins. Not even sins sometimes, sometimes just literal lack of insight! But I can just lay into them like they’re Hitler.
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I literally watched the video, said to myself ok when I catch myself ruminating on other people’s faults I will rebuke myself and then had a big old accusatory episode last night.
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I must have fallen into this accusatory thing really young, because it’s like the groove is really deep in my brain and my thoughts just slide right into it.
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Perhaps it comes from a place of feeling insecure about your own perfection?
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Oh yeah no totally it comes from being unnerved by my own ineffectiveness and struggle. It’s a defense mechanism to avoid looking at how small and powerless I continue to feel, absolutely.
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