Candidate Boot Camp

here's a guide to running for office. 1 have a horrific tan and no policy experience/clue

2 disregard any negative report as biased or fake. Nothing bad about you can possibly be true.

3 have a team who treat you like a large toddler, make sure you're never left alone and plant positive stories to cheer you up

threaten to lock up your political opponent on the basis of claims from debunked movie/book

continually threaten the freedom of the press for innacuracy while bringing the shadiest elements inside your campaign

6 don't respond to media inquiries in a timely fashion. Hire a spokeswoman who can repeatedly decline to comment

7 if a member of the public tries to question you at a rally, make sure they get put in hospital.

8 decry major protests because millions of people all turned up at the same day/time by organization rather than coincidence

9 interrupting your opponent in a debate isn't rude and undignified, it's their fault not yours. Do it as often as possible.