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Calliethulhu's profile
Callie ⚢⚧💜🐙
Callie ⚢⚧💜🐙
Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙
@Calliethulhu

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Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙

@Calliethulhu

A girl-esque gothic creature. Leftist enby trans femme. Erotica writer ⚧☭ They/She 23/UK 🔞 💕@KittenFemme

London, England
patreon.com/Kallie
Joined March 2015

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    1. Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

      Something I've been thinking a lot about today is how we tell stories about are own trauma and what those ways of telling imply about the causes and manifestations of trauma

      1 reply 2 retweets 18 likes
      Show this thread
    2. Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

      Often when people talk about their trauma they talk about it in terms of discrete experiences that acted as single causes: something that happened to them one day, something that they did or felt at one time. Or perhaps groups of those discrete instances spread across time

      1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
      Show this thread
    3. Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

      That's a perfectly valid narrative of trauma. But something I've personally recognised the need to acknowledge is that it's not my narrative of trauma. I am traumatised. I'm traumatised by what happened to me when I was growing up

      1 reply 0 retweets 10 likes
      Show this thread
    4. Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

      But it wasn't one moment or one thing. There's no horror story I can tell that explains why I'm fucked up in the ways I'm fucked up. I don't know how to articulate the soul-crushing grind of self-hate and loneliness that I felt, without respite, for over 10 years

      2 replies 1 retweet 14 likes
      Show this thread
    5. Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

      I know what that experience did to me and I'm still trying to heal from it. Probably I'll be healing from it for a long time. But I don't know how to talk about it, I don't know how to place it alongside some of the stories I hear from other people

      1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
      Show this thread
    6. Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

      Often I feel ashamed of calling myself traumatised given some of the things that haven't happened to me. When someone says that they were abused, I don't know how I can claim to be traumatised when that hasn't happened to me in a similarly brutal way

      1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
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    7. Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

      I feel like if I claim that label of being traumatised, of being a victim, people will scorn me or hate me, or that they should. I feel like a privileged snow-flake trying to make my life story more interesting than it really is

      1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
      Show this thread
    8. Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

      But I know what happened to me. I know that I was about as perfectly lonely and isolated as it's possible to be, and that I was consumed with self-loathing for so long that I literally can't think of myself in any other way. I'm traumatised by that

      1 reply 0 retweets 13 likes
      Show this thread
    9. Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

      I want to tell my story, my experiences, and have them be listened to. I want to feel like my trauma has a place alongside all the other kinds of trauma we talk about. I don't want to go on feeling fake and insincere in my mental illness

      1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
      Show this thread
      Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

      I don't want to shame anyone else for the way they talk about their trauma. I just want to observe that if we only talk about trauma as a list of horror stories to tell around a proverbial campfire, sometimes even guiltily trying to one-up each other, we leave gaps in our stories

      12:10 PM - 26 Oct 2018
      • 11 Likes
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      1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

          I probably have CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder). I don't have it because of one thing that happened to me, or a dozen things. I have it because of the sum total of everything that happened to me over a very long time. I don't know how to tell that story

          1 reply 0 retweets 16 likes
          Show this thread
        3. Callie ⚢⚧ 💜 🐙‏ @Calliethulhu Oct 26

          But, I do want to say that if that's the trauma you have too, that's valid. You don't need to feel ashamed of it or inadequate. Don't fall into the trap of being torn between feeling overprivileged compared to your friends and knowing that really, you're as traumatised as them

          5 replies 1 retweet 19 likes
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        4. End of conversation

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