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CAwkward's profile
Captain Awkward
Captain Awkward
Captain Awkward
@CAwkward

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Captain Awkward

@CAwkward

The Marie Kondo of breakups. She/her. Read: http://CaptainAwkward.com  Support: https://www.patreon.com/CapAwkward  Publish: Rep'd by @sztownsend81 at New Leaf Literary

Chicago
captainawkward.com
Joined May 2011

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    Captain Awkward‏ @CAwkward 19 Sep 2020

    #DnD night I have the spell "heat metal" Currently discussing whether my bard could create a bag of tiny sharp metal shards, heat them, and then have my new owl familiar Guillermo scatter the bag over our enemies. HOT DEATH GLITTER

    8:59 PM - 19 Sep 2020
    • 11 Retweets
    • 337 Likes
    • Robby Peterson Thomas Kilmer MssTatiana C Long Anne Emily Topham Cryptic Cryptid Subliminal Cat Him/Them Aunt Effie’s Full Service Manscaping
    20 replies 11 retweets 337 likes
      1. Captain Awkward‏ @CAwkward 19 Sep 2020

        After the battle I’d use mage-hand and a giant magnet to clean it up, I’m not a monster!

        6 replies 0 retweets 130 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Official Brain Slug Party candidate‏ @Achloryn 19 Sep 2020
        Replying to @CAwkward

        oh my GOD this is INCREDIBLE AND I NEED TO DO THIS FOR MY BARD (but i don't have a familiar) @QuinlokiArt I NEED TO DO THIS FOR MY BARD

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. Injury Cryptid (aka Quin)‏ @QuinlokiArt 19 Sep 2020
        Replying to @Achloryn @CAwkward

        I’m sure we can sort something out. If you don’t want to get a familiar of your own, I’m sure you can possibly talk @Llanion into something >.>

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Mx. Dianna E. Anderson‏Verified account @diannaeanderson 19 Sep 2020
        Replying to @CAwkward

        GUILLERMO!

        1 reply 0 retweets 10 likes
      3. Captain Awkward‏ @CAwkward 19 Sep 2020
        Replying to @diannaeanderson

        If I were naming three new cats now they’d 100% be Guillermo, Nadja, and Jackie Daytona.

        1 reply 0 retweets 28 likes
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      2. Really Rena‏ @Really_Rena 19 Sep 2020
        Replying to @CAwkward

        As long as the bag is heat-resistant so Guillermo doesn't burn himself, I say rock on with your hot glitter death!

        1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
      3. Captain Awkward‏ @CAwkward 19 Sep 2020
        Replying to @Really_Rena

        Yes, I’d have treated leather straps and do practice runs with unheated versions.

        0 replies 0 retweets 11 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Scrinnameless‏ @Scrinnameless 19 Sep 2020
        Replying to @CAwkward

        But some caltrops next time in town. Poor oil of invisibility over them. For real fun, get some glyphs of warding put on them. Invisible exploding caltrops. Great fun.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Patrick Cahalan‏ @padraig2112 19 Sep 2020
        Replying to @CAwkward

        Heat Metal was the 1st edition underrated spell. No save.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. L. McMill.‏ @GeneraLMcMill 19 Sep 2020
        Replying to @CAwkward

        A) This is very clever; B) “hot death glitter” is definitely someone’s gender and I hope whoever and wherever they are, they see this.

        0 replies 0 retweets 23 likes
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