Adam Cerious

@Browtweaten

High speed, aggressive, non-action. Also jokes.

Charlotte, NC
Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2017.

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  1. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    It’s 2020, we are lifting our homies up. Lifting them as high as we can. I want you to literally hoist your homies over your head and hold them there for a minute at least. Launch your homies into the sun like a trebuchet of friendship if you truly love and value them.

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 42 minute

    *Australian Restaurant* Me: *points at menu* I'll have- Waiter: I should warn you, that has jellyfish in it Me: *points again* What about- Waiter: That has snake Me: Well what do you recommend? Waiter: *eight eyes narrowing under skin suit* Flies

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 7 sati

    Noah: *stopping in Australia* let’s leave the scary ones here Noah’s wife: even the kangaroos? Noah: *remembering them eating his parfait* yeah they’re super venomous

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  4. prije 42 minute

    *Australian Restaurant* Me: *points at menu* I'll have- Waiter: I should warn you, that has jellyfish in it Me: *points again* What about- Waiter: That has snake Me: Well what do you recommend? Waiter: *eight eyes narrowing under skin suit* Flies

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    *starts weeping, barely able to say the words, thinking about my family* “A-As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain, I take a look at my wife and realize she’s very plain, B-b-but that’s just perfect for an Amish like me...”

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. stu 2017.

    [me when I see a dog walking alone without a leash] exactly who is representing you my lad

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 5 sati

    Giant koala in a ballroom gown: Did you take my LSD? Me: Yeah but- oh my God Koala: What is it Me: You look incredible in that dress

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Him: did you dress the dog as robot? Are.. are those wheels? Me: ignore him Mars Rover you look amazing

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 5 sati

    david attenborough: lookit this cute little defenseless creature :) me: aw [low intense violins start playing] david attenborough: lookit this deceptively cute predator :) me: david no david attenborough: circle of life :) me: :(

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  10. prije 5 sati

    Giant koala in a ballroom gown: Did you take my LSD? Me: Yeah but- oh my God Koala: What is it Me: You look incredible in that dress

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 6 sati

    her: ugg boots really put Australia on the map me: no it’s always been there

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 6 sati

    “Kansas City Chiefs” - insensitive to Native Americans - only have one kind of bowl - at least they’re not Washington? “Kansas City Chefs” - woah baby - this fucking rules - vast assortment of bowls - what ya whipping up in the kitchen? - can i have some

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  13. prije 6 sati
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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    Top 5 reasons I know I'm ready to be a parent: 1) I'm a clean freak 2) I'm a germaphobe 3) Loud noises irritate me 4) I sleep 7-9 hours every night 5) I need a lot of "me" time to function

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 7 sati

    Friend: How do you deal with your little ankle biters always running around? Me: *owner of several vampire hamsters* Socks

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  16. prije 7 sati

    Friend: How do you deal with your little ankle biters always running around? Me: *owner of several vampire hamsters* Socks

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Hugh Jackman: *crying at his dining room table* Crikey! His Wife: What’s wrong? Hugh: *pawing at his food with his knuckles* It won’t work! It’s not cutting! His Wife: Hugh we’ve been over this. You don’t have your claws anymore, you need to use a fork and knife.

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    doctor: we're putting you in a cast me: [a struggling actor] will I have any lines?

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  19. prije 22 sata
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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    If we ate the baby Mister Peanut would that be like peanut veal or what

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