Bret Devereaux

This is going to turn out to be a pretty great calculation. Antony gets wrecked at Mutina and retreats and *then* Ventidius joins him about ten minutes before Octavian, Antony and Lepidus decide to let bygones be bygones so that they can Bye! Gone! Cicero. 15/xx

Octavian, Antony & Lepidus decide to split up power between them and in the process Octavian resigns the consulship he had after having murdered everyone in between him and it. Never has someone murdered so many people for an office he will try so hard not to occupy. 16/xx

But the rules say there always need to be two consuls, so replacements are required (suffect consuls). Ventidius gets chosen and so our War Captive and Used Mule Dealer is now a consul of the Roman Republic. ::air horn noises:: 17/xx

Actually, Aulus Gellius tells us that people talked a lot of s*** about our boy Ventidius. Cicero, before he got ultra-murdered, called him a mule-driver (ahem, that's mule, *renter* - very different!)... 18/xx

And when he was elected consul people posted the verses, "Augurs and Haruspices assemble!/a strange portent has flared up just now/for the guy who washed mules, is now made consul!" Turns out the ancients had s***posting too. 19/xx

Ventidius shakes it off, finishes his year as consul and then gets a series of provincial assignments (we're not super clear about them). Finally in 40, he's made the proconsular governor of Syria under Antony. 20/xx

Antony, while he has been musing a Parthian campaign, has left that frontier under-defended in the mean time and in 40, the Parthians, with some pro-Pompey dead-enders, invade. Antony is off partying with Cleopatra. The only man in their way? P. Ventidius Bassus. 21/xx

The Roman governor of Asia, L. Munatius Plancus, runs off and the Parthian/Pompeian force moves in. Ventidius meets their army at the Cilician gates in 39 and wrecks it. Labienus, the dead-ender Pompeian, is killed. 22/xx

The following year, the Parthians are thinking, "Well, that hurt a little, but surely we win round 2." NOPE. Battle of Cyrrhestica, 38 BC, Ventidius completely ruins a Parthian army, the Parthian crown prince Pacorus killed in the battle. Get wrecked, its BASSUS TIME. 23/xx

Now Ventidius here is clever - he knows that Antony wants all of the glory of a victorious Parthian campaign and that stealing that glory from Antony would be unwise. So instead he secures the frontier and then hands the army over to Antony for his big campaign. 24/xx

Ventidius wasn't there to save that disaster because he was busy being back at Rome celebrating his triumph for having utterly ruined two Parthian armies and re-secured Rome's eastern frontier. He's the first Roman to triumph over the Parthians. 26/34

The previous guy having tried, Crassus, ended up very dead in 53 having over-extended, failed to guard his supply lines and lost all of his army. And of course as Ventidius is celebrating his triumph, Antony is busy doing his best Crassus impression, minus dying himself. 27/34

Ventidius is going to be the only Roman to triumph over the Parthians until Trajan more than a century later. Turns out the muleteer-consul really was a portent! It's pretty clear that Ventidius was an individual of exceptional ability. 28/34

We lose track of Ventidius fairly quickly after this. He's inducted into the College of Pontiffs, a prestigious priesthood, probably in 43. He's got to be at least 51 in 38 when he celebrates his triumph. 29/34

We don't know when he died, but we are told by Aulus Gellius that he received a public funeral (in Rome). Since Octavian was running the show there after 42, that's a strong indicator that Ventidius managed to keep friendly with both sides of the Octavian/Antony rivalry. 30/34

It's possible that Ventidius passed away before that rivalry turned into war in 32 or that like many other Caesarian partisans (e.g. Sallust) he slid into private life to avoid further conflict. In any case, he clearly didn't cross Octavian, given the public funeral. 31/34

And that's our man Publius Ventidius Bassus. Born without Roman citizenship, captive in a triumph, low-end mule-renter - then praetor, consul of Rome, triumphator and victorious general over the Parthians. A truly remarkable career. 32/34

Sources! The sources for Ventidius are spread out. He pops up in Plutarch's Life of Antony, briefly in Appian's Civil Wars and even more briefly in Vellius Paterculus' history. He has shit talked about him in Cicero's letter to Plancus (Cic. Ad. Fam. 10.18.3). 33/34

Two more sustained narratives comment on his life. Pliny gives him a few sentences as a remarkable example of gaining honors (Pliny, Natural History 7.135) and a longer section in Aulus Gellius' Attic Nights (15.4). And there you have it. 34/end