Since it's out today and I HATE ALL LIFE and CANNOT SLEEP, I am going to watch and live tweet THE MOVIE THAT RUINED MY AND ALSO YOUR LIFE
-
-
KYLO: what could you give me SHEEV: more Star Destroyers KYLO: my opponents have one (1) ship SHEEV: MORE STAR DESTROYERS
Show this thread -
SHEEV: KILL THE GIRL! END THE JEDI! BECOME WHAT YOUR GRANDFATHER ... ... ... VADER ... ... COULD NOT KYLO: thank you I forgot who my grandfather was until now, that explains my outfit and general life choices
Show this thread -
REY: so last year, in an ironic subversion after my late mentor told me that my path wasn't all about lifting rocks, it turned out that in one specific situation I really did benefit from my skill at boulder mobilization REY:so the lesson I took from that is REY:always lift rocks
Show this thread -
REY: I didn't finish the training course because Kylo was touching the Vader helmet and breathing heavily PILOT: hi, the Falcon hasn't arrived. Also I'm gay, this movie should be about me CARRIE FISHER: if I could record more voice over, I would agree
Show this thread -
PILOT: Rey! Falcon's back! REY: Also you're gay PILOT: yes! In a more interesting movie I would replace you REY: but this movie sucks PILOT:on the upside I heard your relationship with Kylo is "just friends" REY:WHAT PILOT: it's canon! Just hets being jets PILOT: my wife is canon
Show this thread -
REY: I HELD HANDS WITH HIM PILOT: *shrug* REY: I will KISS HIM after he RESURRECTS ME! PILOT: you know kids can get really confused by seeing different sexualities depicted PILOT: when you and Kylo get a bit older you can decide if it's romantic REY: HE'S 32!!!
Show this thread -
PILOT: look I'm just saying people have had enough of you people reading in sexual stuff where it isn't there PILOT: anyway go over and talk with the other forced heteros on the Falcon, I'm gonna make out with my wife
Show this thread -
POE, at meeting that evening: we've decoded the info from the First Order spy, and it confirms the worst *long pause as he directly mimics Alec Guinness rolling his eyes at dialogue in A New Hope* POE:Somehow REY:What POE:Somehow PILOT: I have a wife to sexually make out w Poe
Show this thread -
POE: somehow LEIA: the Dark Side is very bad REY: Not now, recorded Leia REY: seriously what Poe POE: somehow... I can't say it FINN: you have to say it POE: by Grabthar's Hammer FINN: NOT THAT LINE
Show this thread -
POE, dying inside: somehowpalpatinereturned ACKBAR JR.: impossible! He's dead VERY NERDY BACKGROUND GUY: well actually, I read Dark Empire and - REY: wait the Empire wasn't dark before NERDY GUY: look, dark science. Cloning. REY: those aren't answers NERD: HEARTBORN! SEVENTH SEE
Show this thread -
POE: ok so look I know this is stupid but tactically it matters. He's been building something called the Final Order. The largest fleet the Galaxy has ever known PILOT: Poe, we currently have precisely one (1) light Corellian freighter. Why does that make a difference? POE: AAAAA
Show this thread -
POE: in sixteen hours, the Emperor and his fleet begin attacks on all free worlds POE: the Galaxy is exactly sixteen hours across POE: ...anyway, I'm Poe Dameron, and today is the longest day of my life EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME 15:59:59 15:59:58
Show this thread -
REY: I'm going to the forbidden desert of Hexgarth POE: me too REY: I have to go alone FINN: alone with friends! REY: Finn, you realize you're not Adventure Time Finn POE: Rose, you coming? ROSE: no, unlike the rest of you I know I'm supposed to be practicing SOCIAL DISTANCING
Show this thread -
LEIA, embracing Rey: Rey, never be afraid of who you are REY: Why would I be? LEIA: oh I didn't mean to say you should REY: Kind of seemed implied LEIA: I mean we have heterosexuals here. A lot of them! So it's okay! To be straight! LEIA: or very unrelatedly the child of a Sith
Show this thread -
MEANWHILE KYLO REN: Ape Man, make me a helmet APE MAN:didn't you crush the last helmet I made for you in a fervent rejection of your whole aesthetic KYLO: that doesn't matter now. I feel like some universal force is telling me I need to be able to speak without my lips being seen
Show this thread -
KYLO: General Hux, I sense unease. It's the mask right? Not the decapitated head I'm carrying? HUX: definitely, I have no reason to worry about that REASONABLE GENERAL GUY: but sir, these Sith Eternal seem creepy KYLO: they have Star Destroyers RGG: again, the Rebels have 1 SHIP
Show this thread -
POE: 3P0, you sure we're at the right Podunk desert? 3P0: oh yes, Master Dameron. Master Luke left behind the exact coordinates of Space Burning Man, the only place to find secrets of Rey's past REY: What 3P0: I mean... The only place to find .. coordinates... I'll be going
Show this thread -
REY: I really like Space Burning Man. You think we could score some spice? POE: why would you ask me that? REY: I just mean - POE: THIS UNIVERSE IS SUDDENLY MORE RACIST THAN IT ALREADY WAS
Show this thread -
ALIEN: *doing a ritual with kid aliens* REY: 3P0, what's she saying? 3P0: she is telling them the history of their families 3P0: none of which are Palpatine ALIEN:zee goomba no sarkon 3P0: she is asking what your family name is, and notes she assumes it is not "PALPATINE" REY:yes
Show this thread -
KYLO: speaking of Palpatine, i'm supposed to kill you for him. It's in my quest log REY: You'll probably just win the fight when I hit 1 HP and then we'll have a cutscene KYLO: yes. A steamy romantic one probably REY: I've been told we're just friends KYLO: whaaaat
Show this thread -
REY: but no I mean what if the whole offering hands and Forcetiming and stuff was a healthy platonic relationship KYLO: ... REY: do we have to force the heterosexual agenda on everything? KYLO: I want to kiss you REY: but like, as a friend. A murder friend! It's natural!
Show this thread -
KYLO: you! Female officer! Analyze these arts and crafts I stole from my girlfriend OFFICER: I think you're reading a sexual element in that's just not there KYLO: I'll kill you OFFICER: she's at Space Burning Man KYLO: excellent.
Show this thread -
STORMTROOPER: I've found the Resistance fugitives, while blending in at Burning Man in my fascist armor that doesn't filter out smoke or its effec- *takes arrow to face* LANDO: quick, get in my very slow tank that I brought to Burning Man somehow
Show this thread -
3P0: Rey, this is Lando Cal- REY: 3P0, I've seen the original trilogy! Shut up!
Show this thread -
*chase begins* 3P0: Mistress Rey, it appears that the First Order have reinvented the wheel REY: I'm not sure what you mean POE: he means they re-invented wheels REY: were wheels ever invented to start with FINN: WHO CARES
Show this thread -
Ok, I can't take any more of this movie for today. Will resume thread later
Show this thread -
Existence is misery - Abrams taught me that
Show this thread -
There's no possible way someone could know how to start a vehicle without a key besides being a secret drug dealer, especially not when they're a master behind the enemy lines spy
Show this thread -
REY: look! It's the ship! The ship from my backstory! POE: distracted driving Rey! *speeder crashes and explodes* VOICEOVER:this has been a PSA brought to you by the Distracted Speeder Driving Association of the Galaxy. Even if it's your secret stupid backstory CHORUS:IT CAN WAIT
Show this thread -
REY, sinking in quicksand with literally all her friends: BB8! My one friend who doesn't need to breath! NO! I AM CONCERNED FOR YOU IN PARTICULAR!
Show this thread - Show replies
New conversation -
Loading seems to be taking a while.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.