Michael Zamacona

Had my son barged into my office 10 minutes earlier he'd have caught me taking a selfie. Thank God he only caught me masturbating. #Whew

This is your periodic reminder that KC was down 7-3 in the 8th, 7-6 in the 9th and 8-7 in the 12th vs OAK in the play-in game.

Baseball is a raging alcoholic.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life and it’s already gone to shit.

If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to him the other, but then at the last minute duck your head and kick him in the nuts.

You were pretty good. @BigZam Tables turned for @1500ESPN_Reusse as he heard me working the P.A. for North/Harding FB game! #OllieBakken

Tables were turned tonight for @1500ESPN_Reusse as he got to hear me, working the P.A. for the Mpls North/Harding FB game! #OllieBakken!

Forget boarding, give Landeskog the penalty for being an idiot...you're getting killed go home #Avs #MNWild

Both teams back at full strength as Landeskog and Zucker pay their debts to society and leave the penalty box as better men. 9:27 to go.

There's a special ring of hell for managers that bat Bryce Harper sixth.

Why should the ump ask another ump for help? Matt Williams doesn't consult a competent manager for help.

Giants runs tonight scored on 50-foot grounder through pitcher’s legs, 30-foot bunt and minus-25-foot wild pitch. That’s 55 feet of offense

Honest to @TheTweetOfGod: I'll watch a million more innings of baseball and will never see that again! WOW!! #NatsvsGiants

Posey rule. Posey. Perfect.

Stupid Giants fell for the ol' intentional walk pitch thrown over the batter with a good rebound to get the guy sliding home play.

I thought it was "White with Gold"? #TonyBennett

Don Mattingly is just thinking about how Bryce Harper can't be used as a pinch-runner in this tight elimination game.