If anyone looks at “incel” culture and somehow concludes that feminists don’t care about lovelessness or loneliness, we’ll, you couldn’t be more wrong. Read the wonderful books All About Love and Communion by bell hooks for starters.
While I certainly agree that the problem is that they feel "owed" consent, which of course they aren't, the sexual frustration itself at the root of the incel problem can't be dismissed. For most of human history, arranged marriage has dealt with sexual frustration, and the....
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....patriarchy just forced people to pair up. We now realize that's bad, and are rightly trying to get rid of it. But the culture of consent model that feminism is trying to install instead is introducing it's own problem; namely widespread sexual frustration when....
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....fickle dating fails to satisfy. Feminism can't just be the "party of no" or it's just another form of Puritanical silliness. What can egalitarian, sex positive feminism say to those of all genders who are having trouble in the dating game? Maybe it's time....
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You're right on! But rather than telling these men to ignore feminism, could it go the other way around? How can modern, egalitarian, sex positive feminism reach out to those who are sexually frustrated and say "yeah, we know feminism *cough second wave* could be prudish ....
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....in the past, but we're sex positive now *cough third wave*. And we really don't like the idea of anyone suffering in chastity, men or women! So please just try dating a few more times, while doing X (such as be more respectful of consent ect.) And if that still isn't....
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....doing it for you, we get that and we are also super supportive of sex workers! We think they might be able to help you out! In fact, here's a coupon for 10% off!" I don't see too many feminists saying things like that, although some certainty do. If feminism is really....
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....about gender equality, it's going to need to address underlying sexual frustration for both men and women, and stop leaving sex workers in the shadows of "we support you, but we won't actually say anything about you"!
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