as a millennial dad I’ve never not been Too Online so I know the best combination of buzzwords to maximize being annoying to my tween; she got a meatball sub for lunch and I said “oh she in her marinara era for real” and the eye roll could have powered our house for a year
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ＷＥＴ ＡＲＭＡＤＩＬＬＯ
@BauceSauce
Just trying to have fun on the Internet. Surreally oucheah. #TeamGuddaGudda
medium.com/@baucesauceJoined July 2010
ＷＥＴ ＡＲＭＡＤＩＬＬＯ’s posts
gas station cashier said “ok dick tracy” when I used my apple watch to pay for my biscuit and I don’t think I can ever wear this thing again
*A Klansman Adorns His Hate Robe With A Pocket Square*
Media: Meet The Bigot Bae We Want To Fuck Who is Threatening The Liberty of Millions
The only unpopular opinion I respect is the one where that one girl said she was glad that kid got eaten by an alligator. The rest of you are cowards in comparison.
this is exactly what it looks like when a coworker asks you to fix their spreadsheet
Replying to
had to use text to speech my hands were shaking too much
Future: God has called me to suffer, cursed me with an unwavering pain.
Drake: The Cheesecake Factory charged me for extra lemon wedges.
When your barber kiss the back of your neck after he cleans it up >>>>
When I was younger at a Prep Stars basketball camp, a guy brought his own sharpie. He crossed out his last name on his jersey and wrote PEPPER BOY. When he made a good play he would yell “Put some pepper on it!” then pantomime using a pepper grinder. I think about him often.
Waffle House has a clandestine special forces team npr.org/sections/thetw
I’m at the ice cream chili dog jeans store y’all need anything
Time to WORK
Ｗeep uncontrollably
Ｏbey my superiors
Ｒead Twitter
Ｋnow I've squandered my potential
*Extremely Paul Ryan Talking To His Long-Time Chauffeur Voice*
Yes, the sad playlist.
*Papa Roach's "Last Resort" Blares From The Speakers*
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Closing the album with "〰🍑 (UB)" is a bold choice but I believe Kanye knows what he's doing.
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The One True Unpopular Opinion to rule over them all. Goddamn print this out, soak the paper in water, extract the ink and make an elixir to pour directly into my eyes.
When you walk into the office after buying lunch and see a catered lunch
Hey y'all. Just got back from getting my "Kanye west is not problematic neck tattoo" what's been going on?
sent our dog to boarding training but it would appear instead she has recruited a ragtag crew for a homegrown militia
*Steps out onto porch with fresh cup of coffee, takes a deep breath of crisp autumn air, surveys the beauty of God's earth*
This is trash.
Allow this picture of young thug and future hugging to alleviate any and all hardships currently in your life.
I'll vote for whatever candidate makes J Cole stop rapping about him having sex.
"Bey you see how Kim stuck up for her husband? That's wild. Well, gotta go. These shrubs won't prune themselves."
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need the spotless mind procedure, not sure how I can go on after this
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John Hancock put on lipstick and smooched that damn Declaration so hard the King just gave em sovereignty
this was not even in the realm of what I was in search of, but now I must know
🚨‼️🆕CONTENT ALERT🆕‼️🚨
In last year:
✅ Fired 2x
✅ Almost Died
✅ Got DUI
"Journey to 30: Go Home and Be A Family Man"
medium.com/@BauceSauce/jo
GIF
The Year is 2028 and the headline “Young Overdose Says The Sugar Hill Gang 'Can Suck His Dick From The Back'” finally triggers God into returning, admitting creation was a mistake.
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Never forget the obscene levels of swag the 2013 Spelling Bee winner had.
If you are a white man please do not ever give your opinion on hip hop. Don't even look at kangaroos because they hop. Don't even have hips.
no matter what anyone tells you the best part of college is making up nicknames for people you saw around campus
please stop telling Twitter to do its thing... it did its thing long ago: bound us all to a hell that has caused incalculable damage
This is an Alabama fan at our office and the Clemson people have put up a tailgate around his desk.
It's Monday y'all! Your value is directly tied to how profitably your labor can be exploited!!!! Let's gooooooOOOOoOOOOo!!!!!!!1
One of the best things about starting a new job is seeing how long it takes before you are uncovered as a fraud.
my 7yo came home asking if I knew “how to do the hype dance” and as a Cool Dad™️ had to tell her how it’s actually BlocBoy JB’s Shoot dance and how her friends at school are culture vultures. No one told me this is what parenthood would be.
Powerful Wizards Ranked:
1. Lil B
2. Harry Potter
3. Gandalf
4. Merlin
5. Jesus Christ
Happy Lean Turkey Day, to those who observe. t.co/ncF6YvWIUL
This post is unavailable.
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Post up with Onix and shoot us a movie.
Post up with Onix and SHOOT US A MOVIE.
#FutureHive
*Big Sean shakily balances himself as he begins to pedal a bike* WHOADERE…WHOA…WHOADERE…HOLUPHOLUPHOLUPHOLUP *Crashes into curb* OH GAHWD
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If your opponent in a fight takes off 1 pair of basketball shorts only to reveal a 2nd pair of basketball shorts, great harm will befall you
[Jesus battle rapping Adam]
Is that the world's sin or your girl's sin?
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been sitting on the curb reevaluating my life choices
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It's been 6 hours. For the love of god. My family is held captive by this Animatronic Furby…There's a fire in the kitchen but we can't leave
I need my 6 leg parlay to hit on this celebrity all star game or i lose my house
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TLOP = The Life of Pi
Thanks in advance I wear a size 10.
"My old girl sent a text, thats ex communication/hit then kicked her out, call that excommunication"
My girl sent me on a spa day. Fellow kings: make sure she earns your love everyday.
"So like I was saying Vlad…capitalism creates inevitable patterns of poverty due to its inherent structural defects"
I lost my job two days ago so I wrote about it:
"They Fired Me Yung"
medium.com/@BauceSauce/i-
me being dat boi with my friends vs me being dat boi around my parents
they say be honest with your kids but I have had to reevaluate my stance on this after teaching proper anatomical names and my 5 yo daughter yelling out “penis alert” in the middle of the Brookgreen American Sculpture Garden
its monday baby. youknow what that means. its time to drink precisely one monster energy and commit corporate espionage
Chinese buffet near my house banned me from the claw machine and the local movie theater raised the prices from 50¢ to $1 a try. Doesn’t matter. I’m unstoppable.
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RT : HORRIFIC: Americans will eat 1.25 BILLION wings (300M+ chickens) during #SuperBowl. RT if u will be too!
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“Tipping is a scam imho”
“Crunchy Peanut Butter is superior sorry not sorry”
“Dad Bods 👌 ijs”
“The white child deserved to die”
Odds Of Perfect Bracket: 1 in 1,610,543,269
Odds Of Getting Into Heaven If You Let The Lord Into Your Heart: 1 in 1
When your boy hands you the AUX cord and he didn't know you already had the new Migos tape downloaded
when ur drunk af but trying to act v sober & casual during your March To The Bathroom Through The Bar™
I'm ready, Post.
*Steps in Booth for my Rockstar Remix verse*
"Got tricked into thinking Eminem dissed Ludacris from a song off Kazaa-AA"
I've spent my whole adult life chasing the high of hearing young thug for the first time.
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TLOP = The Licker Of Pussy
Hmu for my shipping address
michael jordan got sick of our shit & is trying to rebrand as Socially Conscious Tailored Pants Man this is a false flag operation
Strongest evidence for joining a gang or fraternity: No more not knowing what to do with your hands when getting your picture taken.
. told the white guy he was battling that he was gonna "slap the reddit out of him" and my spirit ascended to Valhalla.
"Yeah. That way." - Me to the cops after calling them to shut down a teen bonfire blaring country music one street over
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They call Excel cells "cells" because you are imprisoned by them. You will never truly be free. You will live & die inside a spreadsheet.
If Leo DiCaprio doesn't win an Oscar after passionately fucking that bear in The Revenant then I don't think we deserve art as a society.
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don't be led astray by tapered leg jeans it is a distraction he hates us for turning his life's work into a meme
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🚨‼️🆕CONTENT ALERT🆕‼️🚨
"Ayyy lmao" - Penelope Rose Roberson
