Shawn

@BackpackingDad

Ph.D. in philosophy that they can't take back - Funniest person my kids know - Lazy writer

Silicon Valley, CA
Vrijeme pridruživanja: lipanj 2008.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    10. sij

    Most of the things I do in life, I do without the Queen's approval.

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  2. prije 4 sata

    Stop holding your breath.

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  3. prije 9 sati

    Never trust any opinion if it's held by someone who spends as much time on social media as you do.

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  4. 6. velj

    Godfather question: Why does Vito send Luca Brasi undercover? Does he think it will work? Fail? Be a win in either case? Does Luca make him so uncomfortable he'd like to see him dead, but not do it himself? Does he think Luca is so subtle he can pull off a ruse? Is he provoking?

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I will not argue with people I essentially agree with on the Internet. I will not argue with people I essentially agree with on the Internet. I will not argue with people I essentially agree with on the Internet. I will not argue with people I essentially agree with on the Inter-

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Years ago, I set up a google alert for "Espenson". I'm not very newsworthy, thank god, so it never caught much. But now, boom! Congrats to Kyle, Brady, Alex and Zach Espenson. I don't know if we're related, but it sounds like your high school hockey team is killing it.

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  7. 5. velj
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  8. 5. velj

    What one album should I listen to for the next 20 minutes? So, it should have the best first 1/3-1/2 you can think of.

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    There are only 6 kinds of tweet: 1. I feel drunk but I'm sober 2. I'm young and I'm underpaid 3. I'm tired but I'm working, yeah 4. I care but I'm restless 5. I'm here but I'm really gone 6. I'm wrong and I'm sorry, baby

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    Writer: I desperately want to finish my book. More than anything. More than I want coffee, or sleep, or love and affection Person: shouldn’t you be working on it then? Writer, pausing while reorganizing their refrigerator: how dare you

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    PhD student, c.2020: Here’s a limited argument I made based on years of specialized research. Hope it’s OK 😕 Philosopher dude, c.1770: Here are some Thoughts I had in the Bath. They constitute Universal & Self-Evident Laws of Nature. FIGHT ME.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Parker Posey: caucus chairwoman Catherine O'Hara: candidate's wife, undercover at a caucus Eugene Levy: undecided moderate Fred Willard: guy in charge of counting Michael McKean: die-hard far lefty Jennifer Coolidge: brought cookies

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  13. 4. velj
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  14. 4. velj

    I've always feared I was the only one who thought this. They are inedible. Everyone else is wrong.

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  15. 3. velj

    Fact: every city in Ohio has a name that starts with "C". No exceptions.

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  16. 3. velj
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  17. 3. velj

    Nobody take this handle. I call dibs, stamped it, no erasies for infinity infinities.

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  18. 3. velj

    I haven't carried my kids around in a backpack in about 8 years. I should change my Twitter handle to something more up to date with my life. World, say hello to @ProcrastinatedAProjectByCleaningTheGarageDad!

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  19. 3. velj

    On Fox News, they are doing a talking head segment with pundits who think Kansas City being in Missouri is a globalist hoax.

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  20. 3. velj

    I just checked a map of the midwest, and he's right again!

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  21. 3. velj

    I just grilled a tri-tip then came up with a to keep anything running off the board onto the countertop. (I don't have a cutting board with a groove around the edge.) CUTTING BOARD IN A COOKIE SHEET. I'm a genius. You're welcome. I'll take …

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