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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    an app like shazam but it just tells you whether that thumping is neighbors fucking or doing laundry

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  2. fission-powered biofuel production via genetically engineered melanizing cyanobacteria

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  3. 1. velj

    Marx’s sister Sophie was also called Marx. They had the same last name. So next time someone tells “Marx said....”, you better ask which Marx they meant. Because there are over nine Marxes.

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  4. 1. velj

    every year around this time I have to remind myself that not being invited to a Superbowl party isn't because I don't have friends, it's just because all my friends are losers

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  5. 31. sij

    you all have ergotism

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    26. sij

    Made a poached egg for my dog even though I hate him

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  7. 26. sij

    it takes two to creampie

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  8. 25. sij

    if you are gifted a bottle of wine that has a screw cap instead of a cork, you are exempt from writing a thank you note

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  9. 25. sij

    your body is like a pizza: I want to wait until it gets cold and then cum all over it

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  10. 24. sij

    yeah, kid, you've got a lot of spleen, rolling up in here with that attitude

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    MxDonalds

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    23. sij

    i wish to be encased in ballistic gel and shot at

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  13. 19. sij

    no nut november is an anti-bolt psyop by the specialty fastener lobby

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    19. sij

    if you intend to get a high school education I would suggest waiting until you're 30. you're going to have a massive competitive advantage because of the experiences you will have accrued. those shitty kids won't know what hit em.

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  15. 18. sij

    when you see someone driving really slowly in front of you, before you honk, just stop and think: that could be a 19yo speed demon who just happens to be carrying a priceless Edwardian ship in a bottle in his right hand and he needs to minimize jostles so it doesn't shatter

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    17. sij

    when girls make a priv account

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  17. 15. sij

    your reply guys showcase your account's lack of commitment to diversity. It's 2020 yet almost all your reply guys are male, and what's more, white

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  18. 14. sij
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  19. 14. sij
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  20. 13. sij

    when I was a kid I imagined goths would break into abandoned churches to play Bach's Passacaglia on the pipe organ while receiving oral. turns out in real life they mostly snapchat each other from Ulta and thrift stores about Black Parade. definite letdown

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