Jordan Peterson crouching behind the wall in a Walter White mask, waiting for the barbecue chef to turn around so he can steal the sausages
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Jordan Peterson in his garden shed whittling a walking stick with a human brain carved at the top, listening to and disagreeing with the shipping forecast
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Jordan Peterson in his final form as a plank of beef jerky in a three-piece suit, shouting at his Filofax because he's so tired
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Jordan Peterson tapping on his skull and stuffing balled-up research papers he's never read into his mouth, to reduce the echo
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Jordan Peterson recreating the journey of Daniel Plainview but never getting past the first scene, after his bag of tools lands unexpectedly on his ass and traps him for two weeks in the mine shaft he's dug in his back yard
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Jordan Peterson getting a mahogany exosuit made so he can experiment with tattoos that say "Better Than U" and "Sorry Not Sorry"
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Jordan Peterson painting a face on a watermelon, then smashing it to a pulp with a fire extinguisher, only stopping when all the guests have left
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Jordan Peterson building a lifesize Betty Draper from birds' nests that he confiscated
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Jordan Peterson googling My Bed by Tracey Emin, on a laptop stained with tears
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Jordan Peterson filling a time capsule with lard and hiding it under the floorboards in his Solitude Room
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Jordan Peterson leaving his own lecture in a huff, to get 'em truly riled up
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Jordan Peterson heading upriver in a patrol boat, hoping to find a greater man than he and stab him under a full moon
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Jordan Peterson getting incredibly irritated at the sunrise
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Jordan Peterson at the opera, standing up to tut loudly whenever someone clears their throat
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Jordan Peterson swallowing a baby snake like an oyster, never breaking eye contact with the woman at the launderette who's attempting to explain why she couldn't get motor oil out of a Gestapo uniform
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Jordan Peterson rolling himself up like a tube of toothpaste and squeezing black sludge out of his nostrils and mouth
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Jordan Peterson using a dageuerrotype of a dead horse as a postcard, writing a screed about protein on the back and addressing it to his own faculty
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Jordan Peterson burying a rival's suitcase in the desert
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Jordan Peterson deciding that it is Good that his insides have turned to dry leather because it is Supposed to be good
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Jordan Peterson gnawing on his left arm to bring himself further from Enlightenment
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Jordan Peterson nailing himself to St. Peter's Basilica while complaining about pronouns in a dreadful monotone
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Jordan Peterson folding his arms so emphatically that they just break off, sliding out of his shirt sleeves and clattering onto the floor like drumsticks
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Jordan Peterson walling an interviewer up in the catacombs
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Jordan Peterson scrolling through Wayans Brothers trivia on IMDB, then cracking two teeth in a fit of rage and throwing a mug at the wall
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Jordan Peterson typing his manifesto without once looking at the screen or second-guessing himself, all the while dictating his memoirs into the recording devices he hid around the room during yesterday's rant
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Jordan Peterson wearing too many layers while shooting a documentary about battlefield psychology at the Acropolis
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Jordan Peterson papering every inch of his lodge with reviews of his work, then embracing the ensuing squalor in the name of Reason
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Jordan Peterson staying calm in the shower by reminding himself how Correct he is
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Jordan Peterson slithering through the crawl space, gritting his teeth as he approaches the carcass
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Jordan Peterson kissing each and every one of his 100 typewriters goodnight, then shooting one at point blank range in front of the others
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Jordan Peterson trying out the Travis Bickle sleeve gun he spent the weekend making, but when he flicks his wrist to activate it, the whole thing flies out the window, catching on his clothes and unravelling his outfit until he's left standing in the nude, except for three socks
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