David SimonVerified account

@AoDespair

Author, journalist, and TV writer/producer. Angriest Man in Television is faint praise indeed.

Baltimore, MD
Joined August 2012

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  1. 5 hours ago

    I blocked the mutt. Will someone please dig that fella out of my discards and shove this little news item down his piehole? Thanks much.

    Undo
  2. 5 hours ago
    Undo
  3. 5 hours ago
    Undo
  4. Retweeted
    6 hours ago
    Undo
  5. 6 hours ago

    There’s no evacuating you, Ted. Not without leaving the immediate environs as an EPA Superfund site.

    Undo
  6. 7 hours ago

    In which a Republican lawmaker obstructs justice in the most public way humanly possible. Yo, Kev, is you issuing public press statements on a criminal conspiracy?

    Undo
  7. 7 hours ago

    “I agree with Ann Coulter” has for more than a decade been my designated signal that I am being held at gunpoint and to immediately alert law enforcement. I shall now replace that with “Matt Gaetz can date my teenage daughter.”

    Undo
  8. 8 hours ago

    Shorter: I’m guilty. Others in my party, too. Stop looking for evidence. Right now. Stop it.

    Undo
  9. 9 hours ago

    I feel your rage. Just spitballing, but until you get the government you want and not the one for which too many other people voted, you should maybe think about storming the Capitol and beating on some police.

    Undo
  10. There is nothing — nothing at all — remaining in the pantheon of human mendacity that can get you expelled from the U.S. Congress. Fuck a dead girl or traffic in live boys, slander anyone you desire or negate democracy itself and promise violence. Nothing matters.

    Undo
  11. “I’m from the government snd I’m here to help,” sneered Ronald Reagan. But the harder truth is that only as a collective can a society accomplish great things for the commonweal. And the solution for bad governance is not less of it, but better governance.

    Undo
  12. Aug 30

    I live off Prytania. Presently, I have a fallen tree pressing against my house. And I want the maritime traffic minimized in favor of securing New Orleans and its inhabitants. Now fuck right off, Daniel. You fucking scrote.

    Undo
  13. Aug 30

    Longitude is a confounding notion for flat-earth mooks.

    Undo
  14. Aug 30

    When they finally bury Newt Gingrich, they’re going to have to screw him into the ground. He’s that malformed and twisted.

    Undo
  15. Aug 30

    And make sure their shirts are brown. There is absolutely no bottom to what remains of the Republican party. None.

    Undo
  16. Aug 30

    A passover parable from Yaron Orbach, a member of my tribe and the director of photography on this dry film set in Maryland: “How is your place in New Orleans?” “I don’t know yet. Friends are headed there to see.” “Did you paint a Star of David on the roof?” “I did not” “Uh oh.”

    Undo
  17. Aug 30

    All of them looking for an Industrial Canal retaining wall but willing to settle for whatever target of opportunity they can find. How many more times is Louisiana gonna fuck this one simple thing up?

    Undo
  18. Retweeted
    Aug 29

    Making my 1st film, Roger & Me, I was broke so I wrote to some famous people to ask for help. Only one responded: Ed Asner. “I don’t know you, kid, but here’s 500 bucks” said the note attached to the check. “Sounds like it’ll be a great film. I was an autoworker once.” R.I.P. Ed

    Undo
  19. Aug 30

    As I continue to note, a man takes a few playful photos of himself at a Beaufort, S.C. motel in a Frederick’s of Hollywood corset with one slightly underaged manatee on his arm and the goddam Russians never let him forget.

    Undo
  20. Aug 30

    Can’t fucking imagine. Probably just random happenstance.

    Undo

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