Anna Rowe

You're gone. And you're not coming back. I'm never gonna hear your voice again. No more of those late night talks we've been having these couple of months. I'm never gonna see your smile again. Or see your face. Our face. You're gone. My twin sister is gone. This can't be real.

You told me you had a lot to apologize for. You know that's not how I feel. I don't need an apology. Not from you. You're my sister for chrissake. I need my sister to be here. I need you to be here. But you're not. Not anymore. This can't be real. THIS. CAN'T. BE. FUCKEN. REAL.

But it is. IT FUCKEN IS. I lost my voice screaming your name when you left us. I could barely stand when your sealed coffin went under. I was so angry. So frustrated that this fucken disease took you away from me, that this plague denied you the dignity of having a proper burial.

I'm so sorry, honey. I'm a selfish bitch for making this all about me. Sure, you told me to grieve any way I can, and you won't hold it against me. I know you won't. But I can't help feeling like a self-centered cunt, when the circumstances of your passing are less than... ideal.

You don't deserve this. You don't fucken deserve this. 35 years old. Intelligent. Attractive. Well-liked. Hard working. Ambitious. You deserved the world, but this plague made the world turn its back on you. It's not fucken fair. And I can't stop myself from asking one question.

Why? Why did it have to be you? Why not me? You've got a son for fuck's sake. A son who needs you. An innocent soul who doesn't fully comprehend how death works. A 4 year old who's struggling to understand why he won't see his mom, ever again. He doesn't deserve this. Noone does.

My sister. My beautiful sister. All the pain you've had to endure. All the things you've been through. The hurt people put you through. And still, life won't give you a goddamn break. They say there's always a silver lining, but it's hard to see it when the skies are this dark.

But you're with Mom and Dad now. I know you've missed them for God knows how long. Say hello to them for me, yeah? To Cassie and Abel. I'm glad these past few months things between us have gotten better. I'm relieved to know that in the very end, you realized how much I love you.