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When I turned 27, my parents placed an ad in a community magazine without my knowledge. I was furious. I was already under so much pressure preparing to be a faculty and didn't need it. Thankfully, by then, I was deemed too old.
Those who answered ad advised my parents to let me go because I was too old, too qualified. They said they cannot have a daugther-in-law who is too educated and westernized (even though their sons went to similar universities). My mom realized that this system is not right for me
Recently I attended weddings of my brother and cousin in India. People kept enquiring about my happiness and lamented that I am not married. Someone who didn't know me tried to set me up but when my parents revealed my actual age, he tried to slither away. Growing old is great!
I was one of lucky and privileged ones. My parents are liberal and open minded. They came around and resisted pressures. Ultimately they fought community they live in and tried to change people's minds. Now they are proud of me and support me wholeheartedly.
so much has changed for the better in a decade. Numerous inter-racial and inter-caste marriages in my extended family. One of my cousins is queer and out and people have accepted that. Change can also happen quickly. We have to remain hopeful.
Craziest thing around #IndianMatchmaking is how much I dreaded it even as a kid. I had a dream when I was just 7 about being forcibly married off to someone I didn't like! This is much before anyone had brought up issue of marriage with me. So much sexism was inbuilt in system.
You are brave that you stands up against all odds to become great researcher. Many wannabe great scholars would have lost in subcontinent due to this culture.
Anima, I am really sorry for the experiences you have been through, and I am glad you are in charge of your life now and doing amazing!
What will it take to bring India's backward marriage customs into the modern age like their IT industry has done for careers?
awesome that you shared this kind of experience in public. It is such a big systemic flaw that families simply get rolled over.
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