I cannot watch #IndianMatchmaking It will give me #PTSD My 20s were spent fighting #sexism and #patriarchy around it. In this thread, I am sharing my experiences. This is no joke. I hate this being turned into #RealityTV #Entertainmenthttps://twitter.com/nikitadoval/status/1284782344738467841 …
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Coming to US was a great escape. I missed many of my friends' and cousins' weddings in India because I was too afraid to go back and be subjected to humiliation and pressure all over again. Even my parents stopped attending events because it was too much.
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When I turned 27, my parents placed an ad in a community magazine without my knowledge. I was furious. I was already under so much pressure preparing to be a faculty and didn't need it. Thankfully, by then, I was deemed too old.
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Those who answered ad advised my parents to let me go because I was too old, too qualified. They said they cannot have a daugther-in-law who is too educated and westernized (even though their sons went to similar universities). My mom realized that this system is not right for me
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Recently I attended weddings of my brother and cousin in India. People kept enquiring about my happiness and lamented that I am not married. Someone who didn't know me tried to set me up but when my parents revealed my actual age, he tried to slither away. Growing old is great!
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I was one of lucky and privileged ones. My parents are liberal and open minded. They came around and resisted pressures. Ultimately they fought community they live in and tried to change people's minds. Now they are proud of me and support me wholeheartedly.
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so much has changed for the better in a decade. Numerous inter-racial and inter-caste marriages in my extended family. One of my cousins is queer and out and people have accepted that. Change can also happen quickly. We have to remain hopeful.
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Craziest thing around
#IndianMatchmaking is how much I dreaded it even as a kid. I had a dream when I was just 7 about being forcibly married off to someone I didn't like! This is much before anyone had brought up issue of marriage with me. So much sexism was inbuilt in system.Show this thread
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ma'am its so so so inspiring that you rose up from something like that to become the director of AI at the world's enabler of AI. You're a role model for all of us. Your story was probably not known earlier. You deserve Kalpana Chawla like fame in indian households
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Sadly something similar happened to my elder sister. One of my regrets in life if I didn’t stand up to my parents for her. She was smart and had an amazing career in front of her. Social pressure made my parents take the wrong decision. But they are happy because she is now a mom
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