Amanda Zantal-Wiener

Have you ever fallen asleep on a plane and woken yourself by saying something completely random out loud? I can’t be sure, but think I just did that and audibly muttered, “What rap song?” in a state of half-slumber.

In case anyone was wondering: The bartenders at @hulagrillwaiks have always been — and continue to be — some of the best humans on the planet.

Hi sorry I’m late but I saw a dog

Wait. How many of the rest of y’all don’t know what babka is?

On the one hand, I have food poisoning. On the other, I got to explain to a doctor what babka is, which was a first for me.

Anyway, @Uber_Support, we’ve been here before — I try to leave early and still risk missing my flight because of numerous drivers cancelling pickups or otherwise exhibiting irresponsible behavior. What’s the compensation for that? Is it another empty apology and $5 credit?

What is the end game of these companies anymore? If it’s to make a profit, this isn’t it. Decisions that consistently have a negative impact on customers — charging a fee for cancelling when we’re running late and causing our passenger ratings to drop — isn’t sustainable.

I don’t even know what to say about @Uber_Support & @AskLyft anymore. Smart people work for these companies and yet, the same problems persist. Like when I try to leave/request a ride 20 minutes earlier than I need to, and still might miss my flight after four drivers cancelled.

Apparently, I share a birthday with @questlove, and that just seems very fitting, in a way. Happy birthday, Questlove.

Dear @LappertsHawaii: I'm just a woman, standing in front of her favorite ice cream shop, asking for a dairy-free version of the Coconut Macadamia Nut Fudge flavor. XOXO, Amanda

Guys I’m so excited to get in bed and watch “Grace and Frankie” while I eat cake

WHO BROUGHT FISH ONTO THIS AIRPLANE

Am I the only one who packs enough underwear for a trip as if I’m setting off for the apocalypse?

Nohttps://twitter.com/KurtWagner8/status/1217639354111123456 …

This is silly and I’m sure people will unfollow me for tweeting it, but I just finished the last workout of the pre-vacation @Physique57 programs I set out to complete four months ago ... and I’m really, really proud of myself for actually sticking with it. Thanks, P57.

Q: So what’s the first thing you’re gonna do when your vacation starts, Amanda? A: Watch the six hours of “ER” I downloaded on the plane while I mainline pretzels into my facehole, why?

There’s really nothing quite like a looming birthday to fuck with your expectations of yourself.