I am a hospital based physician. I am used to having support and equipment to diagnose and treat things. I am a mom. It’s that moment when you realize that you are just a parent within the walls of your home, without all your tools.
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Respiratory. Distress. Both present. I wrestled with calling 911, waiting, or just going into the ER. I just kept thinking “Don’t lose the airway. You have nothing”. I wondered what I would tell a friend to do if their child woke up unable to breathe. I dialed.
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I kept looking for things to use to help him. Again. Just in my house. I hate myself for not having an ambu bag. Nebs. Steroids. I suck. Why don’t I have an airway cart at home?! I’m the worst. We try to hold him and calm him and he’s gasping.
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It’s funny where a career in medicine makes you terrified and where it makes you confident. The same with parenting.
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Our help arrives. Caffeinated night shift. Bright eyed. Ready and able. Protocols, calm, bravery, clear communication. Kind, gentle, and funny. They tell us: “You did the right thing, and he needs to be seen”.
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They are incredible with him and with us. We head to the ER. They too are AMAZING. Reassuring. Calming. The resident examines our 2 year olds tummy only to receive 3 sneezes to the face “Oh did I find your sneeze button?” I laugh and I want to cry it is so sweet.
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We tell the story again. Oh and don’t worry. I got so into my demonstration of the cough/breathing for the ER Team that I swallow my gum. At least I didn’t aspirate?
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They give him ibuprofen and steroids. We call it candy soup and it works. A popsicle ensues.
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The attending comes in. It sounds pretty classic for croup. I feel so embarrassed and keep apologizing and doubting myself. Croup. Steeple sign. Worse at night. Parainfluenza. Racemic Epi and steroids (at least I was right about that). Cold weather might help (we have that!)
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I stayed embarrassed. I should know this. From medical school. But you know what? It’s not readily available under the layers of anesthesiology/transplant/etc. I’m not a pediatrician. I’m not an ER doc. I haven’t even had a child with croup. I’m allowed to be a scared parent?
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Far be it from me to wager a guess on my baby. And this is why we have a continuous and expansive team in healthcare. We all have our areas of excellence and 10,000 hours of expertise. And for this I am so grateful. I am so grateful to the amazing team that took care of us.
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Thank you thank you. I’m so grateful for your expertise, experience, skill, and kindness. Thank you. We are all going to bed now. Which may be a challenge for captain steroid pants. I didn’t know croup could just come on so hard and strong after no prior symptoms!
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Thank you (again)
@MayoClinicEM for being so incredible. Love, a Scared Mom/Admiring, appreciative, and proud colleaguepic.twitter.com/KEZkLZiiRkShow this thread -
People who respond to emergencies OUTSIDE the hospital and people who take care of sick kids (and their parents) are my heroes.
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