shortly after I'd left the fundamentalist christian sphere, when I was still learning how the world worked, I was at a bar and some guy asked to buy me a drink. I thought this was really generous of him, so said yes and he bought me a drink. I said "thanks!" and walked away.
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i also had *no* idea about mate selection processes. I didn't really understand what attraction was or felt like or the types of people I should be attracted to or the cultural norms around selecting sex.
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I thought the rules around sex were, "If they want to feel good, and you want to feel good, and you like being around each other, there is no reason not to have sex." I didn't understand 'turning people down.' It took me a long time to figure out why I wasn't really enjoying sex.
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End of conversation
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Do you understand it now? I only ever get it in a context where I'm already dating/sleeping with someone. I don't know how to bring that attitude confidently to a stranger. That kind of response would have saved me from tremendous uncertainty.
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I really wish you’d write a long dating manual. I’d buy it.
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