I find the amount of 'slut-shamy' feelings I get (towards both myself and others) increases when in the presence of men who view sex as something that makes them more valuable, and decreases when around men who seem to not care.
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It's so hard to pin down, but some men give off this vibe that they want sex with me because it would be validating for them. This vibe can occur regardless if they see me as high status or 'just another number', and regardless of if they're playboys or not.
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When I'm in a culture where sex is validating for men, my subconscious brain screams NO when I see other girls have casual sex, like they're stupid or being duped. I try not to think these thoughts.
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Is it possible that men that seek sex for status purposes are, by definition, signaling that they are lower status? And you noticing that signaling makes it a turnoff?
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When high status men use status to get laid, and 'getting laid easily' reinforces to them how high status they are, I don't think that makes them low status. It's like how a king commands someone to do something, and they do it, reinforces their kingliness?
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Ahhh, that's clarifying. So an ungracious display of high status? Like arrogance, but more subtle?
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What part is the ungracious? I don't view high status men 'getting laid easily' as ungracious, just... I guess they use sex as a means to an end (demonstrating kingliness!) and that triggers I think protective feelings in me, not 'ew they're low status.'
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To clarify: Low-status triggers unattraction. "Demonstrating kingliness" triggers protection and slut shamey feelings, but I can still feel very attracted to the person "demonstrating kingliness."
Like, "You really turn me on but you'll make me feel used"
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Ahh, that's extremely clarifying, and I'd have to think on that for a while, but perhaps it's a recognition of the power component? As in, "holy shit this person is so powerful they might actually be dangerous." Would explain why attraction still remains but also the unease.
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I think this might be part of it, but not all. I think the problem is 'sex as a means to an end' (kingly points). I think very powerful people who don't do that (are there any of those? Every celebrity i've encountered has done this, but maybe sampling bias)
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This is incredibly interesting because it implies that status is multidimensional. It's not just about relative ranking, but the configuration of multiple ranked traits. Sex as means to an end objectifies and commodifies the other person;
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